1 Mother 2 Another

Yesterday I went to Cora’s school as
a volunteer art lecturer. No, I’m not that good; it’s
part of a district-wide program called Art To Go, where
everything’s put together for you – pictures on foam
board, questions pre-written, everything – and all you do is
show up and look really really cultured. I’ve done this for
Maddie’s classes in the past and was looking forward to
sitting down and talking about art with Cora’s class for the
first time.


Note to self – don’t ask kindergarteners such
open-ended questions, and then LET THEM ANSWER THEM.

I cozied up on the floor with them and
before I even began my presentation, I launched into a spiel
I’ve done every time in the past with Maddie’s classes
about viewing art in general, asking thought-provoking questions
that would get them, well, thinking. It went a little something
like this:


Me: “Ok, kiddos, let’s talk about how to behave when
you go to a museum. What are some rules you should follow at
amuseum?”


Kid #1: “Oh! How about don’t touch the
paintings?”


Me (beaming): “Yes! That is an excellent rule! Don’t
touch the paintings, because you might get them dirty or ruin them.
You don’t like people touching the stuff you paint, do you?
So what’s another rule about visiting a museum?”


Kid #2: “No roller-blading in a museum!” Pause.
“I learned that the hard way.”


Me (blinking rapidly): “Yes, definitely, no roller-blading in
a museum. What else?”


Kid #3: “Hey! No shooting the art!”


Pause.


Me, trying valiantly to spin that one: “Sure, yes, like with
a nerf gun or a water pistol, no shooting a painting!”


Kid #3 again: “Or with bullets, you know, either.”


Because this is Texas, you know.


Kid #4: “How about no yelling in a museum?”


Me (my relief visible): “Yes! Excellent! No yelling in a
museum! Who else?”


Kid #3 raises her hand again.


Me (apprehensively): “Yes, sweetie, do you have another
rule?”


Kid #3 (eyes staring owlishly at me): “Yes. No smoking the
art.”


Aaaand we’re done here.