1 Mother 2 Another

I think I’ve confessed before that I
didn’t really watch Sesame Street growing up; between
parental controls on television-watching and endless hours of
ballet class, I pretty much missed all the kids’ shows,
making me culturally illiterate around my friends. However,
I’ve been making up for lost time with my daughter.

When you’re unemployed and stuck
inside on a string of rainy summer days, desperation gives way to
inspiration –


A few weeks ago I noticed Maddie was having fun with a
“new” toy in the church nursery: a bowling set.
Consisting of several pins and a bowling ball, the toy was set up
by a fellow parent; he was gravely instructing his daughter on the
finer points of “knocking ‘em down” and
graciously expanded his tutelage to include Maddie. She was
fascinated by the concept of knocking things over with a
ball; at home we strove to avoid that. I noticed Maddie was drawn
to the toy several Sundays in a row.

Cora’s entering that entertaining
stage where she is starting to try to communicate,
“ooh”ing and “aah”ing for all she’s
worth. She’s been doing it for a couple weeks now, mostly
just to me during quiet moments together. But she’s been
gradually coming out of her shell and now speaks to a variety of
people.

Maddie’s a big swinger at the park
– some days she’ll get in the toddler swing and fall
into a near-trance, staying on it as long as I’ll let her.
For some time now, she’s been casting her eye towards the
“big-girl” swings – the regular seats as opposed
to the higher, hard-plastic toddler seats – and I see how
it’s teaching her some valuable lessons.

Last Friday we talked about target="_blank"
href="http://www.1mother2another.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=624&Itemid=46">
how to get ready for a second baby – all the
things to think about or do in advance that wouldn’t
necessarily come instinctively. Today, I’ll share tips I was
given (or learned the hard way) on how to handle it once
you’ve Brought Baby Home.


First, the hospital. A girlfriend of mine had her second child two
years after her first. When her firstborn walked into the hospital
room to meet his new sibling for the first time, he saw the new
baby in the arms of mommy – HIS mommy, HIS arms – and
promptly burst into tears. She said you could see the hurt and
betrayal on his face.


So ok, not the best way to do it. I hadn’t really thought
about it, but my girlfriend Abby suggested a carefully
choreographed first meeting, and it went like a charm.

So now that Cora’s officially 3
months old, I’m expecting her to get it together a bit in the
old sleep department. As soon as a kid turns that magic number,
everyone starts asking you – “Is she sleeping through
the night yet?” And I want to scream, “No! Leave me
alone! It’s not my fault!” You feel as if you’ve
got a defective kid, as all around you smug older parents are
telling you how their kid started sleeping through the night at 8
days old and never looked back.


They’re lying, by the way.


At any rate, Cora started sleeping for longer stretches a couple
weeks ago, going five or six hours at a time, and I thought
we’d have it easier with this one. But she’s begun
making life miserable for me and I’m about at my wit’s
end.

When I first became pregnant with Maddie,
I had women coming out of the woodwork with advice. What to eat,
what not to eat, where to shop, whether or not to breastfeed, you
name it and there was a person with an opinion. Most topics I
expected, but I was astonished at how many women felt the need to
give me “body preservation” advice.


One client immediately wrote down the address of a store that sells
circulation hose; she advised me to start wearing them “RIGHT
AWAY” so I wouldn’t get varicose veins. Another client
was kind enough to feel my boobs and tell me to “kiss their
perkiness goodbye” unless I started sleeping in a jog bra
every night. But this paled in the number and ferocity of comments
I got about stretch marks. Every single woman I met had the
“perfect” solution for avoiding stretch marks. Being
the obsessive researcher I am, I hit the internet and got the
low-down. Want to know the most sure-fire way to avoid stretch
marks when pregnant? Here it is:

Maddie’s hit this stage where she
hears pretty much everything we say. How do I know this? She
parrots phrases she’s heard three hours ago – from a
different room – said under my breath. So we have to be
careful what we talk about around her, which means we often put off
important conversations indefinitely.


Since this is not always an option, we’ve taken to trying to
slide conversations past her. We’ll either use a polysyllabic
vocabulary and hope she doesn’t know the definitions (though
this is probably giving her a polysyllabic vocabulary!) or
we’ll try to talk fast and quietly, knowing she won’t
understand everything.


She may not know exactly what’s going on, but Maddie suspects
something’s being done and so my kiddo’s taking her own
steps to correct it.

Many of you have probably seen baby
bottles and sippy cups in the news recently; several studies have
come out questioning the safety of BPA, a chemical used to make the
polycarbonate plastic that makes up several major bottles and sippy
cups. Last week a medical journal published a study done by 38
scientists who believe BPA poses a “significant” health
risk.


As well, a federal panel of the National Institute of Health
recently said there is “some concern” the chemical
could cause behavioral and neurological problems in young
children.

My girlfriend Deb is expecting her second
child soon and had confessed in a recent email that she’s
nervous about how she’s going to handle an additional child.
I’ve been composing a reply to her in my head for the past
few weeks (usually at 2 a.m. in the morning while nursing)
that’s full of suggestions and encouragement, and it occurred
to me there may be more of you interested in this topic so here it
is. This is a two-parter – this week’s entry is about
preparing for the second child, and next week’s covers some
tips to help once the new baby arrives. And as always, this is
partly what I’ve learned and mostly great tips my girlfriends
passed on to me.

I spent some of yesterday morning playing
with Cora on her playmat; she’s in such a good mood in the
mornings and is beginning to love trying to kick and bat at the
hanging toys. Maddie and I got ready to hit the park and left Cora
having a good time as Daddy finished putting the breakfast dishes
away in the next room.


A scant sixty seconds later, I get a call on my cell phone from
Brian: “Did you leave Cora on her stomach on the
playmat?” “Of course not,” I replied indignantly.
(What am I, an amateur???) Safety concerns aside, I’d never
leave Cora on her stomach: she’s not, shall we say, a fan of
tummy time and I despair of getting in enough of it.

If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, Maddie must be buttering me up for something really big.

Madeleine’s always been keenly interested in everything I do; first it was simply to make sure that the “things I do” included enough “pay attention to Maddie” times. But the older she got the more I realized I’m her biggest textbook for life: around nine or ten months Maddie started trying to pick things up with her feet, which, indeed, I do (and you would to if you could – it totally saves your back). Add in how I eat, drink, sit, open a door – the list is endless- and it’s a pretty heavy responsibility.

Lately, though, Maddie’s taken this imitation thing to even greater heights than before. I know part of it’s simply her age, as she starts learning how to fit into society. Part of it, too, is seeing a new dimension to her life as she watches me take care of a baby. There’s even a teeny sliver in there that’s simply her being a girl, and doing girly things.

But part of it’s simply my kid. And for that uniqueness, all I can say is, Thank God for video cameras, and I hope I get her to sign a waiver before she can read.

Last fall, a girlfriend of mine gave birth
to an adorable little girl. When O was about ten weeks old, my
friend emailed me in a panic: “She doesn’t have any
routine I can figure out! Should I start trying to make her stick
to a schedule? What am I going to do about her sleep
habits???” From my non-sleep-deprived position, I could
clearly see that this was all part of new babyness and nothing to
worry about; I emailed her back with an encouraging pep talk,
reminding her that O was going to grow into a routine soon enough
and nothing she was doing now would ruin that.


Then about a week ago I started to have that same panic –
it’s been over two months! When is this screaming machine
going to settle down and be predictable! What can I do! I’m
ruining her for life by not forcing a schedule! I can’t stop
talking in exclamation points! And I swear, I almost emailed this
exact same girlfriend for advice. Because it’s all about
distance: the further back you are, the easier it is for you to see
what’s going on and stay calm.

A few things that are important to
understand about me and the world of infant clothing:


First, I loved baby clothes. Think they’re really cute. And,
compared to adult clothes, really cheap. And, since they outgrow
them so fast, I always have an excuse to go shopping.


Second, I think that clothing giving is a tricky thing. You have to
not only have good taste, but similar taste to the person to whom
you’re giving the gift. And if you’re giving someone
baby clothes, I think the clothing should be not only cute, but
well-made enough to last more than two washings.

Yes, we’re sick. And I’m tired
of it.


A few days ago Maddie and I went to a playdate with several other
kids. Apparently one mother brought her toddler along, even though
he was sick with a cold, because he didn’t want to miss it.
When did I find this out? Was it after he took a drink out of my
daughter’s water and I didn’t wipe it because I
didn’t want to seem petty? Nope.


I received this news from another friend, as I complained about
Maddie and I having a cold and not being able to figure out where
we’d picked it up.

Proving once more that she’s
definitely my daughter (as if the c-section scar isn’t proof
enough), Maddie has reached new heights with her lack of tact
concerning her opinions.


As I’ve mentioned before, Madeleine is quick to speak up if
someone’s talents are not up to standard. And by
“someone”, I usually mean me. Many times in the past
we’ve put on music for some Song and Dance time (listen, you
gotta make your own fun), and I’d start dancing around the
room. After a few moments of watching me, Maddie would speak up and
say, “Mama no dance.” It took all my control to not
point out to my then-1-year-old that lots of people used to pay 100
bucks a ticket to see mommy dance, but I tried not to take it
personally. Likewise, we’d start singing songs, and
she’d simply shake her head and say, “Mama, no.”
I’d run through my whole repertoire and nothing was good
enough for this critic.

Just in case you hadn’t heard,
Fisher-Price is recalling over a million toys for containing
lead-laced paint. The toys, all made in China, were made between
April and August of 2007, and include characters from Sesame
Street, Dora, Diego, and more. This is considered serious, and you
are urged to take any toys on the list away from your child
immediately.


The recall has been issued in conjunction with the CPSC. Click
href="http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml07/07257.html">here
to read the official CPSC recall, including a list of all recalled
toys, and get more information. You can also call
Fisher-Price’s hotline (800-916-4498) or visit their target="_blank"
href="http://service.mattel.com/us/recall/default.asp?recall_id=52430">
website. And just as a reminder, you can sign up for
automatic notification of any child-related recalls via email
– simply click href="http://www.cpsc.gov/cpsclist.asp">here to find out
more.

Yes, Brian’s home and the house is
still standing. More important, everyone’s still alive and I
haven’t run screaming. How did we fare? You be the judge:

So Brian’s heading off for a long
weekend and I’ve been freaking out for, oh, a few months now.
He’s best man for a wedding and with us moving into month 5
of unemployment, tickets for everyone just wasn’t in the
cards.


Which means Mommy’s home alone.

Ladies and Gentlemen, not all sunscreens
are created equal.


The Environmental Working Group recently release a comprehensive
study of hundreds of brands of sunscreen, testing for
effectiveness, how well they live up to claims, how safe they are
for children, and more.