1 Mother 2 Another

There’s nothing like a toddler in your life to remind you that there’s more than one way to view a situation.

Maddie and I were walking home from the park recently when a car alarm went off across the street. Now, Maddie’s no stranger to car alarms; this is New York, after all. So I was surprised that she became very agitated as the alarm continued to go off. I encouraged her to keep walking past it, trying to hurry without making it look like I was panicking. I was assuming the alarm was making her nervous, and wanted to keep her calm.

Before I became pregnant, I never really used to notice babies and
children in the world around me. Sure, I’d hear the occasional toddler
meltdown at the grocery store – accompanied by a line of fastidious
faux-compassionate smiles from annoyed non-parents – and I’d notice a
cute baby cooing happily on the subway. But there didn’t seem to be
that many of them.


Once pregnant, though, it’s as if there was some veil lifted from my
eyes – babies everywhere! Burstingly pregnant women walking up the
stairs, tired and cranky infants being pushed in their strollers,
aromatic toddlers with an obviously full diaper; they all seemed to jump
out of the woodwork at me. I guess I had just never really noticed them
before.

In the same way, before I had Maddie I’d see an
unaccompanied adult and assume they were childless. I mean permanently
childless, not simply missing one of their kids. I don’t know; I guess
I assumed circumstances on people because they were my circumstances.
Make sense?

Now that I’m a parent, though, I’m realizing that a
very large percentage of the adult world is made up of people with
children. I know, sounds pretty self-evident, but it was rather
revelatory to me. And nowhere was it so evident – or so appreciated –
as when we were on vacation. 

I can’t believe that summer’s already officially over. (Yes, I know it’s almost October, but I’ve been on vacation. Cut me some slack.) As we went into the season, Maddie was cruising like a pro but not yet walking unassisted. She was weeks away from her first birthday, still shy on the playground, and had never been left with anyone other than a family member.

I remember looking at the summer months stretching out before me and thinking of all I wanted to do with my daughter. I saw her birthday as some sort of milestone that would release us into this whole new world – one where she became comfortable hanging out with other kids, became weaned, and became more confident in herself. I wanted to find a way to move Maddie to the next step – socialization. 

  I already posted today’s regular entry (see below), but I have to jot this mommy tip down while I’m thinking about it. I know, I did a slew of babyproofing entries several months ago when kiddo became mobile. But she’s recently grown, which means she stands taller in her crib, which means she can now turn the light in her room on and off. And on. And off. And on. The only thing that gives it away, as a matter of fact, is her breathy laughter on the baby monitor as she tries to do it quietly and not draw attention to herself.

Or the light cutting in and out under her door.

So after a huge Internet search I finally found a baby lock for light switches. Apparently there’s not a big market for them, since most sites had gadgets to make light switches more accessible to toddlers. I shudder. At any rate, if you’ve got a kiddo who can reach a light switch, or if you want to baby proof a danger area like the switch to the garbage disposal, here’s the tool for you – the Safety First Switch Lock Guard.

We got it, installed it, love it.

Maddie hates it.

Just wanted to pass it on to you . . .

I hate to admit it, but I’m still waking up most mornings and wishing I were back in my luxury resort. I need a few moments to reorient myself, to realize that no, there is no room service bringing us our fresh waffles, and yes, I do have to do the laundry.

But in many ways it’s great to be back. As much as Maddie loved her new experiences and plush surroundings, she’s pretty ecstatic to be back in her controlled environment. Her shout of glee at seeing her bouncy horse when we entered the house for the first time was topped only by the uncontrollable squeals that escaped her when she first laid eyes on her beloved playground.

And as much as I loved having so much taken care of for me on vacation, I’m happy to be back in the saddle, holding the reins of this family. Our vacation was our first foray into The Real World – the one where I can’t control how much light is coming into baby girl’s room, or guarantee that she’ll have fresh steamed veggies for dinner. One of my biggest apprehensions about our trip was that precise lack of control – my inability to dominate most aspects of my daughter’s surroundings. 

This week’s poll is up and running, and is all about speaking without words.

How do you feel about teaching your baby sign language? Does it seem pretentious and pointless to you? Have you read up on a few key signs, but are staying pretty laid back about it? Did you introduce baby to her first sign language DVD at 6 weeks old? I want to know!

As always, the poll will be up all week on my homepage, right-hand side below all the category buttons. You don’t have to be a registered user to vote; simply click and submit to make your voice heard!

Our most recent poll focused on preschool and the options we’ve got as parents of infants and toddlers. A full fifty percent of you said you’ll be sending your child to preschool around age 3 or 4, mostly for socialization reasons. The rest of you split down the line evenly, with some opting to save money and not start an organized school until kindergarten, some working to get their children into the “right” preschool as the first step towards the “right” college, and one mom even admitting that the sooner her child was in preschool, the sooner she’d finally have some time back for herself. (I feel you, girlfriend!)

Interestingly enough, I posted this poll a few weeks ago, before heading off on vacation, and my girlfriend Abby did a guest post while I was gone about her son Isaiah starting preschool last week. At 3 ½ (I can’t bring myself to think of him as an almost-four-year-old yet), Isaiah’s right in the middle age of kids starting preschool. If you’ve read Abby’s blogs, you know she’s helping launch a new preschool in her area so she’s a big supporter of them. Originally worried about how Isaiah would do at his twice-weekly school, Abby now worries that it doesn’t meet frequently enough to suit him! 

I know it's a long shot that you came across my business card for this
site and decided to check it out, but I figured it's worth a try since
you stole it from my stroller at the playground today.

There are
a couple important things you should know:

First, the cards have
all been canceled, and a credit fraud alert issued to the three main
credit reporting bureaus.

Second, I've filed a police report.

Third,
I'd really like my driver's license back. It's tough to get my girlie
around without it. Feel free to anonymously email me
(jennifer@1mother2another.com) and I'll email back my PO box address.
I'm not interested in chasing you down, I promise; I just want the
license.

Fourth, I forgive you. I hope you truly needed it and
that the $20 in there helped you. I wish you would have felt like you
could have asked me for help.

Jennifer 

For those of you who requested photos of Maddie on vacation, I've got some posted in the entry below, and I've also uploaded several more to my frontpage rotating photo gallery. What comes up is random, so simply click on the picture that appears to see everything in her gallery.

Enjoy! 

 I’ve just dumped all the vacation photos from my digital camera, and can’t believe how much we crammed into twelve short days. Maddie experienced things that some people go their whole lives without ever enjoying, and has a huge list of “firsts” to add to her diary, including:

If the first half of our vacation was about getting Maddie used to the ocean and outdoors, the second half was all about getting Maddie used to living the luxurious life.

We clearly did our job too well. 

There are many things I’ll remember for a long time about our vacation; it was our first one with a child, after all, and we spent a week in the lap of all-expense-paid luxury.  But I think I’ll remember this vacation most fondly as the time Maddie Met The Ocean.

And almost never spoke to it again.

Our first day in our borrowed beach house, we arrived mid-afternoon, settled in, and went out for a celebratory dinner.  Unable to wait until the next day for our first stroll on the sand, Brian and I decided to hit the beach on our way home and watch the sun set.  Maddie was punch-drunk from a day of not being on a plane the whole time, and happily hopped out of the car at our local boardwalk.  Her shoes came off (always a good thing in Maddie Land) and she joyfully ascended the stairs.  Seeing a whole expanse of wooden sidewalk in front of her, she took off running, screaming with abandon, carefully lowered herself down the ocean-side stairs –

And screeched to a halt at the sand’s edge.  Cue the sound of a needle ripped off the soundtrack to Maddie’s life.

So far, we’ve had two travel days; one to start our vacation and another to get from borrowed vacation house to business trip.  Both days involved two  flights and long car drives; flying time totaled somewhere between 5 and 7 hours each day.  We’ve got one more travel day ahead of us and rather than spend another 7 hours of flying and changing planes (thanks to our frequent flyer be-grateful-you’re-getting-there-in-one-day program), we’ve splurged and bought cheap one-way fares to get us home in one 2.5-hour trip.  Frankly, the thought of not slogging through a connecting airport with a stroller and carseat and, oh yes, a baby, is a dazzling prospect I dare not dwell too long on lest it turn out to be a mirage and vanish before my eyes.

So what was the travel really like?  Did it live up to my nightmares?  Did Madeleine melt down frequently, and at great volume?

For the most part, no.  I have to admit that the commuting part of the vacation was less dramatic than I had anticipated, though it was certainly grueling.

And my baby girl?

She’s a trooper.

I’m back!

Ok, I’m not really back.  We’re on the tail end of our vacation; a business trip for my husband with a company that thoughtfully allowed families to come along.  So Maddie and I are living it up poolside while Daddy works.   But  I missed you guys, and can’t help myself; I’ve ended up just “jotting down a few notes” several nights this vacation.

We’re finally packed (almost) and ready for our big vacation. It’s our first real vacation as a family; our first trip that doesn’t involved visiting family somewhere, that is purely recreational. Almost two weeks of sun and sand.

I’m petrified.

How is this going to affect Maddie? How will she take the changes in her routine? Sleeping in a strange room?

Flying for seven hours?

We’ve got a mountain of luggage and I’ve resigned myself to the fact that we are officially “that family” – the ones everyone else in the airport rolls their eyes about as we pass. I’ve accepted the fact that Maddie probably won’t appreciate being strapped down for a dozen hours a day, and at some point over the next 24 hours she will have a very public meltdown. Doesn’t mean I’m looking forward to it.

So I’m looking forward to the family time; just not the time it’ll take getting to and from that point.

If you’re worried I’m abandoning you, don’t worry; the cyber-girlfriend wouldn’t let you down. My girlfriend Abby will be steering the 1M2A ship while I’m gone. So you’ll get a chance to hear from a more seasoned mom for a week or so. Got any questions? Fire away! Enjoy the fresh voice, and I’ll speak with y’all later!

Have I mentioned Maddie likes shoes?

My mom and I took Maddie for her first adventure in shoe shopping (no guys allowed, of course) and boy, is she a fast learner.

We’ve bought real shoes (as opposed to my beloved Robeez) before, but it was the “stand in Target and hold your kid’s foot to the bottom of a shoe to guess the size” method. This time, we went to a real children’s shoe store and had her foot measured and everything.

I’m glad I did, too; I was squeezing poor kiddo into a size 2 when she’s apparently now a size 4.

Sorry, baby girl.

Hey ladies -

As I wrestle with the fallout of a partial weaning (see today's entry below), I keep going back to Binkytown  and Amy's recent blog on turning the corner with her son's separation anxiety. Her post certainly rings true with me, so I thought I'd pass it on - please check it out. 

So all jokes about weaning plans aside, I did something “unscheduled” recently.

I weaned Maddie off of her nap nursing, cold turkey.

I’ve been wanting to let Maddie wean naturally – lose interest, transition to other rituals, etc. But with a vacation looming (read – no guarantee of ritual availability) it seemed prudent to make sure Maddie didn’t need to nurse to go down for a nap.

So last Monday, I went through everything up to the nursing, hugged her tightly, and put her in her crib.

She started wailing, of course, looking at me with confusion, betrayal, and hurt. At least, that’s what it looked like to my mommy eyes.

Whereas she used to be put in her crib still awake and go to sleep without a fuss, she rolled over, stood up, and ran screaming towards the door where Mommy was beating a cowardly retreat. I stood outside the door and began watching the clock.

This week’s poll is up and running, and it’s school days again!


Where do you stand on sending your child to preschool, or
pre-kindergarten? Do you get them into classes and out of the house as
soon as possible? Do you work full-time, and so already have them in a
school environment? Are you looking for planned socialization? Is it
all about building your child’s resume, so they get in the “right”
college? Or do you save your money, and hold out until kindergarten? I
want to know!

The poll will be up for a couple weeks (my vacation
and all that!); it’s on my home page on the right, under the Topic
buttons. As always, you don’t need to be a registered user to vote;
simply click and submit to have your voice heard! 

Last week’s poll asked how often you choose to travel with your baby. Does your baby have his own frequent flyer number? Do you prefer to drive over flying? Or do you stay home by choice if at all possible?

Almost half of you said your baby’s a seasoned pro by now, with quite a few trips under his belt. The rest of the mommies were pretty evenly divided between those who fly when necessary, those who try to drive if at all possible, and those who stay home by choice.

We first flew with Maddie when she was three months old. I knew the mommy trick of nursing Madeleine during takeoff and landing to help equalize her ears, and as promised, she didn’t cry at all during any of the flights. The airline we flew was (overall) helpful, allowing us to pre-board, gate-check our stroller, and carry-on a diaper bag for “free”. I remember when we returned home from the trip feeling as if we had dodged a bullet; no major meltdowns, no huge baggage catastrophes. Maddie’s car seat was part of her stroller so they transported it for us for free. In fact, I had a few mommy friends tell me enviously to “enjoy it while you can”, since apparently newborn is the easiest age to travel with for quite a while.