1 Mother 2 Another

Maddie and Cora are almost exactly two
years apart. Maddie’s development often seems to catch me by
surprise – hey, look at that, she’s rolling over! I
can’t believe she recognizes her alphabet! Wow, is she
putting her face in the water and blowing bubbles already? That
sort of thing. Cora is just the opposite: I’m inclined to
think such unfair thoughts as – hey, why isn’t she
brushing her teeth as well as Maddie does? When is her attention
span going to get better?


It’s not that I’m constantly comparing Cora to Maddie,
in a sort of “Well, Maddie rolled over at four months and
Cora didn’t do it until five months. Slacker.” way. But
with your first child, whatever stage you are in feels like it will
go on forever: you will ALWAYS be breastfeeding/pureeing solid
foods/changing diapers/potty training/sleep training/whatever. And
then suddenly you’re in a different stage.

With second (and I’m assuming
subsequent) children, you are busier and have less time for
contemplative navel-gazing; even the times you’re sitting and
nursing the baby, you’ve got an older one clamoring for
attention as well. So developmental stages seem to fly by –
you look around, and it’s already time to start solid
foods/potty train/learn to tie shoelaces. Time really does fly
faster.


And I think, too, second (and I’m assuming subsequent)
children learn from their older siblings, and thus obfuscate their
true age to their vaguely-paying-attention parents. Cora became
independent with her shoes – putting them on, being
responsible for putting them away, and so forth – at a much
earlier age than Maddie did (or still has yet to do – but
that’s a blog for another day). I often see Cora striving to
keep up with Maddie, and forget there’s two years between
them. I become impatient with Cora, start to hold her to higher
standards than I have any right to considering her age.


At one point I began to fear that Cora might be, well, a little
slow. I confessed my fear to a very good friend. She looked at me
in disbelief and said, “Jennifer, Cora isn’t slow.
She’s quite bright. The problem is that she’s younger
than you think she is.”


And she was absolutely right.


Maddie is the oldest. I think she’ll be in a current stage
forever, until one day I wake up and realize those shorts are
waaaaaaaaay to short, and when exactly did she get so grown-up
looking? Perhaps I don’t need to cut her grapes into eight
equal pieces any more. Cora is the youngest, and when I stop
cutting grapes for Maddie I’m impatient to be done with them
for Cora as well. I don’t stop and marvel at her moving on
the next milestone; a part of me – the bad mommy part –
looks at her remarkable achievement (whatever it may be) and thinks
(completely unfairly) “Well it’s about time.”


My children are two years apart, and thanks to the Sibling Time
Warp I sometimes think they’re practically twins. And
that’s not fair to either one of them.


I need to expect more of Maddie sooner, and less of Cora more
often.


I’ll get right on that.