1 Mother 2 Another

Sunday was, of course, Mothers’ Day,
and I had a lovely time with my girls, my mother, and my
mother-in-law. We ate out both lunch and dinner – decadent, I
know – and I took a good long nap in the middle of the day
– equally decadent.


When Brian asked me last week what I wanted to do for
Mothers’ Day, it reminded me of every day over the past
several years he’s asked me that question. And how my answer
has evolved over time.

The first couple of times Brian asked me
what I wanted to do, I responded, “I do NOT want to change a
diaper. All. Day. Long.” And he kindly took over the entirety
of that chore. All. Day. Long.


The next couple of years my answer was usually “I do NOT want
to dice or chop or otherwise prepare toddler/finger/baby food. All.
Day. Long.” And Brian dutifully became the master chef,
cutting a grape into eight equal pieces and pureeing up broccoli
and spreading out black beans for little fingers. And I can vividly
remember how luxuriously that felt – there was a stretch
there when a good amount of my waking hours was devoted to making
food teeny tiny.


During these years, in addition to a vacation from whichever
parenting chore I was chained to at that period of my life, Brian
tried to give me what every mother of young children craves: time
away from them. And of course I was in the midst of baby- and
toddlerhood, so a full day away was out of the question, either
because I was nursing or because there was some severe separation
anxiety going on. So I’d spend an hour with a girlfriend at
lunch on Saturday, be home to get into naptime, then go see a
movie; on Sunday I’d spend the morning with the family then,
say, hit my favorite used bookstore for a couple blissful alone
hours.


As the girls became both more physically independent and
emotionally needy, my need for some Mommy Down Time became greater,
and for the past couple of years I had most of Sunday to myself. I
felt guilty not spending every moment with my girls, who so
earnestly wanted to honor me, but at the same time needed space to
re-charge. I had some awesome hang-out time with my own mother on
those days, shopping or seeing a movie or ordering in and watching
Netflix while Brian took the girls out. I truly loved those days.


Now, though, Maddie’s in school full-time and Cora’s
gone three days a week. I just spent a month doing a show and being
gone every night and sleep-deprived every day. Frankly, I did not
need any more Mommy Down Time.


So when Brian asked me what I wanted for Mothers’ Day, I
said, “I do NOT want to have Me Time all day. I just had a
month of Me Time.” So Sunday was a family time – a
particularly awesome one, since it included a long nap and a
distinct lack of cooking. But I thoroughly enjoyed the girls,
loving all the little gifts they made for me and how they tumbled
about me like puppies in their eagerness to show off their
offerings.


I started off Motherhood wistfully wanting less time with my
babies, and I can see down the road where I’ll be wishing for
more – and not getting it. For now, though, I’m in the
sweet spot: just enough.


It’s a good place to be.