The Go-To Girlfriend for New Mommies
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It’s April, which in our house means
only one thing – Earth Day! (Sorry, babe – your
birthday comes a very close second.)
I am trying to refrain from going all preachy on you about ways to
reduce, reuse, and recycle. You hear it from me all the time. But
as April began I got out my copy of
target="_blank">Healthy Child, Healthy World to
re-read and I just have to push it one more time.
I posted yesterday about my seeking out
fairy-tale-like alternatives to the Disney princesses. I want to
give the girls better role models (sorry, Ariel and Snow White) and
perhaps a smidge of self-esteem in the process.
Then, coincidentally, a friend of mine sent me a link to a blog
post yesterday from Christianity Today entitled href="http://blog.christianitytoday.com/women/2011/03/toddlers_tiaras_and_surviving.html">
“Toddler, Tiaras, and Surviving the Princess
Mania”. The blog is a review of Peggy
Orenstein’s newest book, href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/redirect.html?ie=UTF8&location=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2FCinderella-Ate-Daughter-Dispatches-Girlie-Girl%2Fdp%2F0061711527%3Fie%3DUTF8%26s%3Dbooks%26qid%3D1299035267%26sr%3D1-1&tag=1mother2anoth-20&linkCode=ur2&camp=1789&creative=9325">
Cinderella Ate My Daughter: Dispatch From the Front Lines of
the New Girlie-Girl Culture. Based on the review,
I’m heading out to get that book.
I’m relieved to know it’s not just me.
But read the review – while not exhaustive on the topic,
it’s got some good points on the subject. And keep sending me
alterna-princess book ideas.
I fought mightily to keep the dreaded
Disney princesses from invading our homes, and they still made it
in. It’s really impossible to keep them out –
they’re on toothbrushes and valentines and pencils and even
macaroni and cheese. But it doesn’t mean I have to like it.
I have two problems with Ariel and her friends. First off, I am
peeved about the whole licensed character thing. I can’t
stand how ubiquitous their faces are, and how my daughters
automatically beg me to buy gum/toilet paper/cheetos just because
they have Belle and Aurora on them.
But my biggest issue is the type of role model these gals are
being. Maddie and Cora hear the stories too often –
“Someday my prince will come” is a too-often refrain,
and the heroine can do nothing but clean the house after seven
messy guys/wander through the woods picking berries, hidden away
from all other people/prepare her mean sisters’ breakfasts
and daydream about being rescued. Yes, this is a problem for
me.
Our family reads a lot, and we’re
always bringing home a bag full of books from the library. You want
to watch the girls go crazy? Give them a gift card to Half-Price
Books and stand back as they agonize over which book to pick. I
guess I’m saying we go through a lot of books.
I have a long list of go-to favorites that I’d gladly give
out as birthday or Christmas presents, and we just recently added a
new one to the list –
target="_blank">Memoirs of a Goldfish.
A couple years ago my friend Graham
recommended a children’s Bible called
target="_blank">The Big Picture Story Bible. I’d
been looking for something to start reading to Maddie, and
didn’t want simply a regular Bible with kid-friendly pictures
in it. As soon as this book arrived, I knew I’d found my
answer.
Maddie enjoyed flipping through the Bible off and on, but about six
months ago she really started getting interested in reading it.
Since then, she’s been reading several stories a week, if not
one or two a day, and I’m trying to make a Sunday night
snuggle with a glass of milk and a Bible chapter part of our weekly
routine with the girls.
As Maddie progresses to chapter books,
lowering herself deeper into the well of literature, Cora hurtles
headlong down the same path. She’s shown an interest in books
for a long time, but has begun to memorize her favorites and will
request specific books when she decides it’s time for a
snuggle and a read. And it should come as no surprise that her
current favorites have already been well broken-in by
Maddie’s toddler fingers.
In some ways, Cora has different taste in books than Maddie;
we’ve tried a few old favorites of Madeleine’s that
Cora simply isn’t interested in. But there are several places
where their tastes in books overlap, most notably in the animal
kingdom. Specifically, bears.
Tuesday the three of us hit our local
library for an awesome morning of storytelling. The reader was on
fire, with props and costumes and puppets and a great sense of
timing as she worked her way through a few books. One in
particular,
target="_blank">The Paper Bag Princess, was a big hit
with Maddie. It told the tale of Princess Elizabeth, whose castle
was attacked by a mean dragon; the dragon burned down the castle,
leaving her nothing to wear but a paper bag as she went in search
of her True Love Roderick, who’d been taken prisoner by the
dragon. When finally the princess found the dragon, she outsmarted
the dragon in a battle of wits and made her way to her True Love,
who had the nerve to criticize her clothing and, well, smell.
Elizabeth realized her True Love wasn’t the real deal and
went off to be happy by herself.
When Maddie was six months old and
experienced her first Christmas, Brian and I enjoyed the excuse to
shower our pride and joy with gifts but knew it didn’t really
mean much to her. Last year, we knew Maddie would walk wide-eyed
and awestruck through the Christmas season, and I reveled in every
second of watching her see everything for the first time ever: a
tree in our house! Lights on the bushes! A sock hanging in front of
the television! The experience reminded me of my own wide-eyed
early Christmases, and I truly learned what it’s like to see
with a child’s fresh eyes. This year, though not new and
fresh, is almost more exciting than any of the previous, though,
because for the first time we’re seeing Maddie remember
traditions and anticipate experiencing them again.
The week that the whole family was sick
recently, none of us felt like cooking. Even after our appetites
returned and we moved off of bland rice diets, mustering up a meal
from scratch seemed beyond our capabilities. If it hadn’t
been for the fact that I’m an obsessive food hoarder and had
a freezer full of “emergency” casseroles and sauces,
we’d have spent a fortune on takeout. As it is, I simply have
an empty freezer and have to start building up again.
I’m lucky, I know – I’m naturally organized and
enjoy cooking. I’m a good cook and don’t mind spending
time in the kitchen. Put that with an affinity for planning ahead,
making double recipes for sick friends or
“emergencies”, and I’m rarely without a meal
close at hand. If you’re not like me, you’re sending me
hateful thoughts right now and wishing I’d shut up. But the
good news is, help is on the way.
Last week’s poll was about what sort of labels we use for ourselves as mothers: stay-at-home mom, work-outside-the-home mom, work-at-home mom, primary caregiver with part-time job, and so forth.
Almost half of you called yourself a 24/7, stay-at-home mom. Everyone else weighed in as working outside by necessity, work-from-home but around kids’ schedules, or primary caregiver with some other sort of time commitment outside the home. I think the primary caregiver one is the label I’d most easily choose for myself, but I’m not real thrilled with any of the options.
This topic has been on my mind a lot recently, partly because I’ve been reading a bit on the subject. Mommy Wars is a collection of essays in which working moms and stay-at-homes square off in the ring and defend their positions. I was drawn to some essays more than others, partly because of writing quality and partly because of the point of view. One of the sections that stuck with me most, actually, was the introduction; the editor dissected our apparent need as mothers to pick apart the people on the “other” side of the fence. Why do we feel the need to make the other moms out there feel bad if their situation’s not the same as ours? Why do all working moms seem to look at stay-at-homes and think, “What does she do all day? Is she really that lazy?” while stay-at-homes regard working moms and think, “My gosh, how guilty she must feel at leaving her kids all day. Why have them if she isn’t going to raise them herself?” These attitudes are bound to come through in our interactions and conversations, making both sides feel horrible.
Still trying to decide what to get for new parents this year? Look in your own child’s toychest for inspiration.
For Madeleine’s shower, my girlfriend Abby (and her husband Paul – I sometimes speak as if she acts in a void but he’s a helpful other half) gave us a few of her son Isaiah’s favorite toys. Not the same ones, of course – as Abby was wrapping them up for us, Isaiah expressed concern that they were the originals and Abby had to dig out his beloveds to reassure him – but shiny new ones for Maddie to break in herself. Not all the toys were newborn-appropriate, but it gave us something new to look forward to using at a later date. And as baby girl grows into a stage where she’ll appreciate one of her packed-away toys, I get to 1) remember Paul and Abby’s thoughtfulness all over again, and 2) not have to spend money on new toys.
I bring this up now because recently Madeleine went through one such spurt, and is truly enthralled with one of their gifts.
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