1 Mother 2 Another

The girls have gotten into a bit of a rut
fights-wise: Cora gets frustrated and storms to her room, and
Maddie doesn’t want to let (fill in the blank) go and tries
to push open Cora’s door, forcing the door open or running
over Cora in the process.


In retaliation, Cora’s begun locking her door – mostly
as a defense mechanism against Maddie. It’s her last card to
play against the sheer superior strength that Maddie has. So
it’s a smart move, except that locking doors is illegal in
our house.


Yes, even in the bathroom.


Yesterday things came to a head once again, and the fighting
escalated so quickly that by the time I made it upstairs tempers
were quite high and I had to pick Maddie up and carry her to her
room. Both girls had right on their sides in one form or another;
both girls had wronged the other. Both girls were sobbing.


It was time to make a change.

So I went into Maddie’s room, and we
talked about this habit she’s got of forcing her way into
Cora’s room, even when Cora clearly doesn’t want her
there and is trying to calm down. “This is a really bad
habit, honey, and you need to learn to respect people’s
privacy here. There’s absolutely no reason at all to force
your way into Cora’s room unless she’s was physically
ill or in some sort of physical danger.”


Maddie sobbed stubbornly. “But I can’t stop! I just
can’t stop it!”


I took a deep breath.


“Well, here’s the deal. If you keep forcing yourself
into Cora’s room, I’m going to have to take your door
off its hinges. You keep disrespecting Cora’s privacy, and
you will lose your own privacy. Which means that your cat will
sleep in the bathroom instead of shut in your own room, and
you’ll be changing without a door and taking quiet time
without a door.”


Maddie was speechless.


“BUT” – I continued – “I’m
confident I won’t need to do that. I know you can learn to
control yourself.” And I walked out.


Then I went to Cora’s room. “Cora, honey, you have got
to stop locking your bedroom door. It’s not safe, and
we’ve told you several times you cannot lock your door unless
you’re in grave physical harm. And your sister’s never
harmed you, so trying to get away from her doesn’t count. So
if you continue locking your door, we’re going to need to
remove your door to make sure you can’t lock us out again. Do
you understand?”


Cora sobbed. And then sobbed harder when she learned it meant
she’d lose her cat at night.


So both girls have been warned, and neither one knows the
other’s in danger of losing her own door as well.


What will happen? I honestly don’t know. I just know that we
try to make the consequences fit the offence here, and this was the
best I could think of at that moment. I’m praying very hard
that neither door needs to come off.


I’ll let you know what happens.