1 Mother 2 Another

Last night the girls were getting ready
for bed, and it wasn’t super easy. We’re at the end of
the first week of school, and tears are close to the surface and
tempers are frayed and everyone’s tired. But bedtime was
going relatively smoothly and I was in Cora’s room helping
her pick out clothes for the next day when Maddie came in and said
formally, “Mommy, when I’m finished with my bedtime
routine I’d like to lie in bed and talk to you about my day a
bit.”


Hmm. That doesn’t sound good. Bedtime is the time of day
Maddie’s most likely to talk about her day. When I pick her
up from school, pretty much every day is a “good” day
and she talks about the stuff that went right; but a few hours
later, when she’s had time to sit with her day a bit,
she’s willing to talk about whatever might have been a bit
harder.


So we finished up with the teeth brushing and cat feeding and all
the other nightly chores, I snuggled Cora and read books, then
headed into Maddie’s room. I climbed into her bed, snuggled
up, and said lightly, “Ok, cutie, whatcha want to talk about
from today?”


Maddie rolled on her side and faced me. “Mommy, today was a
really hard day.”

“Tell me about it.”


“My group in class was playing a game, and our teacher told
us not to go past a certain point in the room while we played, and
we all forgot and went past that point on accident, and so we all
got our names moved from ‘green’ to
‘yellow’.”


This? Is big. This is Maddie’s fifth year of school (counting
pre-k), and it’s her first time to go below green. EVER.


This is something Maddie’s been worrying about her whole
career. In fact, I’ve half-jokingly begged her teachers over
the years to move Maddie off green or sign her folder or SOMETHING
to just get it over with, and help Maddie see that mistakes can be
made and overcome. Two years ago, Maddie’s whole class
received a blanket punishment for something that Maddie was not
part of – and she STILL thinks about it.


This is big.


“How did you feel, getting moved to yellow?” I asked
carefully.


Maddie’s eyes grew sad. “Mommy, I was SO embarrassed! I
wanted to run out of the room. I can’t believe I got moved to
yellow for the first time. And for something I didn’t even do
to be mean, or disobedient – I just forgot!”


And this is what I had wondered about – would she argue that
the discipline was unfair? Would she fight to get it changed? Would
she be mad at the teacher?


“So was it worse for you that you got moved to yellow for
forgetting a rule, rather than for making the choice to do
something bad?”


Maddie was silent for a moment. “No, because I thought about
it and I realized that even though it was on accident, I DID break
a rule. So it was fair.” And we sat there for a few moments,
silent together.


Then Maddie turned to me again, and her eyes sparkled. “But
then guess what? I felt so bad about what I’d done that I
couldn’t sit with it any more, and even though I was about to
cry I went over to my teacher and said, ‘I know it
doesn’t change anything, but I’m sorry I broke the
rule.’ And then I sat down.”


I thought for a moment. “Did your teacher move you back up to
green because you apologized?” I asked, hoping the answer
would be ‘no’.


Maddie smiled. “No. But that didn’t matter! Mommy,
after I apologized I felt like a GIANT! Like I was invincible, and
could do ANYTHING! I was so happy, and so proud of myself!”
And she wriggled like a puppy and snuggled closer to me.


“So that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I had a
really great day, and it surprises me that I feel like this on my
first ‘yellow’ day. I just feel really good and wanted
to share that.”


My little giant.