1 Mother 2 Another

I may have hinted, here and there, that I
am a wee bit sad about school starting in general, and my baby
starting kindergarten specifically.


A wee bit.


So to everyone who called or emailed yesterday with their
condolences –er, sympathy –er, kind words – I say
a heart-felt thank you. Deeply.


To those who sent well-meaning words of encouragement along the
lines of “this doesn’t have to be an identity
crisis”, I thank you for your intention, but you missed my
point.

My point here, as I got vulnerable and
admitted how much I’ll miss those girls, is not that I find
myself kicking around the house with nothing to do. I am not one of
those moms who feels purposeless without a bottom to wipe, a mouth
to feed. I dearly love my girls, but do not find my complete
identity wrapped up in them. I have a life outside of those
relationships, and I enjoy that life mightily.


No, my sadness is simply because I like those kids, and I’m
going to miss them when they’re not here. I love playing Uno
and Sorry with them, I love reading with them and making up silly
stories, I love their quirky little personalities. I enjoy hanging
out with those crazy girls and I miss them when they’re gone.


And, too, this is an end of an era. This marks a clear ending to a
life when I was the center of their universes – when the
entire day Revolved According To Mommy. I felt myself shifted away
a bit – say, to one of Saturn’s outer rings –
when Maddie started school, and now there’s no denying it:
I’ve been booted out to, perhaps, Pluto.


Poor little wanna-be-planet.


Parenting is a gradual withdrawing, a subtle but inexorable retreat
from your child’s daily frontlines to the rear, still
coaching and sending up tactical suggestions but no longer calling
the minute-by-minute shots. And with my baby now firmly planted in
big-kid school, there’s simply no room for me in the trenches
with her any more.


Yesterday was a day of new beginnings, as Cora began to figure out
who she is just a little bit more. She walked out of that school at
3 p.m. a bigger kid and ain’t nothin’ gonna stop her
now.


New beginnings – and just a little bit of an ending.