Where Has The Year Gone?
I feel like such a cliché, but
I’m absolutely astonished at the fact that another year has
gone past. I find myself leaping from event to event –
birthday, Easter, swim lessons, school time, Halloween, school
fundraiser, Thanksgiving, and so on – much more than I ever
did as an adult responsible solely for myself.
On the down side, I see the time with the
kiddos fleeing and I’m pretty powerless to stop it. Many
people have asked me if I’ll put Cora in school next year
when she’s three, and I answer a categoric “no”,
even as I see how much she yearns for it and will be even more
adrift during the day once Maddie’s in school five days a
week. I know she may well want to go, and it may well be the best
thing for her, but I’ve been enjoying my one-on-one time with
her so much I’m loathe to even contemplate it at this point.
And Maddie in kindergarten? Don’t get me started.
On the positive side, I’ve learned to stop and recognize
those precious everyday moments and treasure them for what they
are. Lying on our backs cloud-gazing, up to our knees in mud on a
rainy day, hip-deep in brush as we tramp through the farm picking
hickory nuts, I’ll acknowledge the magic of these ordinary
days and imprint them on my mind with an insistence bordering on
ferociousness. I try to race like heck through the chores and
errands and outside job, cramming as much as I can into as little
time as I can, so that I may be fully present when I’m with
the girls. I’ve spent part of the year loosening my grip on
all the details that simply aren’t important and learning to
be just that little bit less perfect, so I might read with my
daughter or build toilet-paper-roll fairies with her, rather than
leave her to her own devices while I (fill in the blank).
I’m not saying I’m totally succeeding, but I’m
trying pretty darn hard. So while I’m surprised (for some
insane reason – I mean, who doesn’t see January coming
after December?) that the end of the year is here, I’ve got
relatively few regrets about the past year, and in fact look
forward to another awesome one with my family. I see my beautiful
girls before me and drink them in while I can. And believe me, my
cup runneth over.
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