1 Mother 2 Another

I love to bake. I confess it. When I was
working in theatre, I’d bake furiously on Monday (my day
off), then return to the green room Tuesday night with a tray of
brownies/cupcakes/cookies/whatever, just to get them out of the
house. Even now, when I don’t eat sweets (yes, it’s
true. I mean, really, really true) I still love to bake.


So calling this the Most Wonderful Time of the Year would be an
understatement for me. When the holidays arrive I’m in a
tizzy; it’s as if I’ve been given complete license to
go crazy and use fourteen sticks of butter in one session. Which I
have done before.


Early November I get out my Hospitality spiral (don’t judge)
and flip to a fresh, clean page. There I make a list of
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall the foods I’m going to make this holiday
season, followed by a nifty little spread sheet of baking items
– butter, chocolate, eggs, etc. – so I know how much
I’ll need total. Then around Thanksgiving I get to baking:
just a bit at a time, the recipes are done and pans of brownies or
trays of cookies are in the freezer. Everything comes out in early
December when I assemble long-distance Christmas boxes for friends
and family, which breaks the floodgates and we begin consuming.
Heartily.


So that’s my holiday baking ritual – but wait. I left
out one essential step.


Ordering from the King Arthur Flour catalog.

King Arthur Flour is where I buy all my
fancy baking ingredients: really good chocolate, sprinkling sugar,
powdered maple sugar, you name it, they’ve got it. Starting
in October I begin a list of what I’ll need, writing things
down as I use something up or think of something I’ll need
for a future recipe. By the time November rolls around I’ve
got QUITE a list.


This is where it gets difficult. Because King Arthur Flour -
I’ll just call him Artie from here on out – offers a
discount coupon every year at some point before Thanksgiving.
Serious bakers all over the country are poised to place their
orders just as soon as the $#@% coupon arrives in their email
inboxes. I try to do my breathing exercises and wait with everyone
else, but this year I was having a hard time.


This year Thanksgiving feels like it’s coming early and I
began feeling the pressure. So the middle of last week I politely
called Artie’s catalog and inquired when they thought
they’d be sending out this year’s coupon. The sweet
woman on the phone told me that info’s never released early,
but to hang in there because she’s sure it’s coming!


I lasted for one day.


Last Friday I began stewing, and after receiving yet another cheery
but coupon-deficient email from them, I finally sent the following
email to their website:


Dear King Arthur Flour:


I just received a new email from you entitled "Cookie Swap? Here's
What

You Need!"


And I browsed through your email and read some of the links, and
there's

one vital thing missing to help me have
a truly great cookie swap.


Where, O where, King Arthur Flour, is your holiday baking discount?


Every year I've got a list a mile long and I sit patiently,
waiting to

place my order. Waiting for free
shipping, or 20% off, or something

glorious that will help me with my
mile-long list and a husband who, if I'm

being 100% honest, doesn't quite
understand why I buy the three-pound bag

of Callebaut semi-sweet chips when I
could pick up a bag of Nestle for a

fraction of the cost.


Nestle, King Arthur Flour. This is what I live with.


I even called your catalog yesterday to ask about a forthcoming
sale, and

the customer service rep, while
extremely sympathetic, was not privy to any

sort of information on when the
discount email would go out.


Here's the deal: I've squeezed my grocery budget the past few
weeks to

make room for this gigantic order. I
also have, for the first time, all my

children in school during the day, so
I've got time to get baking started

NOW. And finally, I have boxes to mail
overseas, so I need to place my

order, receive the chocolate
chips/jammy bits/powdered cheese/everything

else, and get to cooking so those boxes
can go out.


Is this a life-threatening situation? No. But I'd sure appreciate
a

little coupon love sometime soon.
Thanksgiving is less than two weeks away.


Respectfully (and wistfully),


Jennifer Milner

p.s. if you have some sort of a discount that is simply too huge to
pass on

over the internet, feel free to call me
at my home phone.


So this was Friday afternoon, friends. And GUESS WHAT WAS IN MY
INBOX ON MONDAY MORNING? A 20% off coupon, good for only two days.


Coincidence? You be the judge.


I have a big box of happiness on its way, filled with raspberry
jammy bits and burgundy chocolate chunks and orange oil and yes, a
three-pound bag of Callebaut chocolate chips.


You will know it’s arrived when you hear the Scream Heard
Round the World and a delicious baking aroma comes wafting up from
Texas.


Happy early Christmas to me.