1 Mother 2 Another

A girl uses the potty, and feels big and
grown-up. A girl understands there will be other people around,
watching, crowded into the bathroom to “help”. A girl
suffers this in silence for a while, thinking it’s necessary
and thinking, frankly, that it’s a bit safer that way. But
then there comes a time when a girl just wants to use the potty by
herself, without anyone else in the room. A girl wants some
privacy.


I’m speaking, of course, of me.

I mean, seriously, how much longer can
this be interesting to my kids? Won’t they ever tire of
watching me pee? Sometimes, of course, it’s a necessity:
there’s no way I’m leaving the girls out in the sink
area at a mall bathroom while I pee. When we’re in public,
it’s everyone into the clown car as we file into those tiny
stalls and I beg the girls not to touch anything while I pee. And
does Cora listen?


No, she does not.


Cora walks around to the back of the toilet, places one hand on the
flush part and one hand on the BACK OF THE SEAT, so she can watch
my ass more intently. She likes to see the process in action and
has learned the hard way that Mommy will not “open up so I
can see better!” in the front.


Sometimes this is a minor annoyance – when Cora’s
feeling insecure and wants to follow me into the bathroom at home,
lest I run away and vanish and never come out. At those times she
simply stands patiently until I’m finished, and helpfully
opens the door for me. But when she’s in that
scientific-observation-of-how-the-pee comes out mode, I’m not
so in the mood to poop if I need to, which just makes me
constipated. And cranky.


And then there’s the whole on-your-period thing. I spend a
few days at a time giving the girls extra candy, extra t.v. time,
just to distract them so they won’t follow me into the
bathroom. How am I supposed to explain that? “Mommy’s
bleeding, but it’s ok – you will too someday!”
Which means I’m sneaking pads and tampons like cigarettes
into my purse. And on those rare times I make it into the bathroom
without them, I have to lunge to pop the lock so they don’t
come in, and then pretend it was an “accident” when I
get out. Perish the thought of Mommy leaving Cora out on purpose!


I know this is just a phase. I understand that Maddie’s
outgrowing it, and Cora will too. Someday.


But some days, a girl just wants to pee in peace. Is that so
wrong?