1 Mother 2 Another

Maddie and Cora had friend over yesterday,
and they were playing relatively quietly upstairs for a bit so I
took advantage of the calm to finish the breakfast dishes. By the
time I’d hustled myself upstairs to check on the “too
quiet” quiet, I was met at the top of the stairs by Cora who
gleefully exclaimed, “Elise put the dolly inside her!”


Now, when I’d left them, they’d been assembling and
disassembling Maddie’s Russian nesting dolls, and Cora has
shown a great fascination towards the smallest nesting doll, less
than an inch long. In fact, Cora’s come close on more than
one occasion to sticking the poor doll up her nose or giving the
small thing a tentative lick. So when I heard Cora’s news, I
feared the worst, and envisioned having to explain to Elise’s
mother that the girl would be pooping out a Russian nesting doll in
the next day or so and no, thanks, I don’t want it back.

After rushing into Maddie’s room, I
was reassured to find that Elise had not ingested or otherwise
forcibly inserted any type of dolly; she was merely pregnant with a
baby doll, the poor thing stuffed haphazardly under her dress.
Apparently Elise was pregnant, and I sat back, fascinated, to watch
the nine months unfold.


“Maddie, first you need to x-ray me and tell me if it’s
a boy or a girl,” Elise ordered. Maddie came running to me:
“Mommy, what’s an x-ray and how can I do one
here?” Now, we’ve got a rather extensive Elmo
doctor’s kit here, but I fear it has no radiation-related
treatments in it, so I had to think fast.


“An x-ray is like taking a picture of the inside of your
body, so why don’t you go get your camera and take a picture
and pretend you can see her insides?” I suggested. For once,
Maddie agreed with me, and came running back. Several digital snaps
later, and Maddie importantly announced, “You’ve got a
big girl in there!”


“Oh, that’s great!” Elise gushed. “Now you
need to give me a present for my belly.”


Maddie dutifully ran off to find one of her toys (re-gifting
already- that’s my girl!) and wrapped it in a towel. She
handed it over to Elise, who oohed and aahed and then said,
“Now it’s baby time!” and whipped the doll out
from underneath her.


At which point they tossed the doll on the chair and went for a
snack.


This, I must tell you, is my idea of the perfect pregnancy: you sit
in a chair and give orders the whole time, get a doctor’s
exam with nary a stirrup in sight, receive presents right away,
then toss the newborn on a chair and go rustle up something to eat.


Why didn’t my pregnancies go like that?