1 Mother 2 Another

Ok, I was sitting here working on the blog
I’ve been mulling over for several days now –
it’s a doozy and hopefully you’ll get to read it
tomorrow.


You won’t read it today because I’ve been detoured by
babies.


My girlfriend Ingrid just delivered her second girl this morning.
Remember Maddie’s best friend Naomi from New York? Well,
Naomi just became a big sister. Give a shout out to baby Emily.


I’ve also found out that another friend from New York
delivered this morning, and yet another New York friend (must have
been in the water nine months ago) delivered just last week, and
let me tell ya, I love the name Ivy.

I’m excited about this, and
it’s certainly cause for a blog in its own right, but
I’ve also received an email from a second-time mom
contemplating a c-section and wanting my advice. I just spent some
time writing back to her, and in doing so was struck by how
different all my friends’ deliveries were: two had at-home
water births. Of those two, one had horrendous tearing and a small
baby, and one had an over-nine-pound baby with no tearing at all.
And as for my third friend, well, she fought the good fight but
ended up needing a second c-section. She spent her whole pregnancy
dreading the idea, and the worst-case scenario happened.


Except that it wasn’t the worst-case scenario. Because at the
end of the day, she and the baby are both doing absolutely great.


There are so many things we can control, ladies, and as much as we
bring in those birthing pools and scrub those sheets and threaten
those doctors if they suggest anything other than a VBAC, at the
end of the day we have to let go and trust someone else with our
baby. Whether it’s the doula catching the slippery little
sucker or the doctor gently saying, “It’s time to go
into surgery. This isn’t working,” we have to
relinquish control and be grateful for all these options.


The reader looking for my advice is going to have to make a tough
decision – to schedule a c-section when she may not need one,
or to risk it and try for a VBAC, knowing she may end up with an
emergency c-section or more serious medical complication.
She’ll have to go with her mommy gut and her doctor’s
recommendation, and still turn all this over to God and let go.


My friend wanted so desperately to avoid another c-section; she
knows the pain of recovery, and didn’t want that to
complicate dealing with a newborn and loving on an apprehensive
preschooler at the same time. When I spoke to her right before the
c-section she sounded defeated. But when I talked to her right
after delivery, she was simply tired and happy the baby was
healthy.


Of course, she was heavily medicated and probably doesn’t
even remember talking to me, but you get my point. When I was
pregnant with Cora I was adamant about a VBAC, and wanting to do it
naturally. We had to induce and so my “natural”
childbirth turned into me strapped to five monitors and a pitocin
drip, contractions every 20 seconds, and a huge amount of pain with
very little progress. When my doctor saw my blood pressure was 185
over 100, I saw the words “c-section” flash across her
face. And that’s when I threw my hope of natural childbirth
out the window and consented to an epidural in the hope that it
would relax me and get my pressure down.


And you know what? It did, and I avoided the c-section, and think
epidurals are the best. Thing. Ever.


There’s a bigger blog in here somewhere, about the control we
have to relinquish over our children’s lives, their safety
and health, before they’re even born, but I think this is
enough said for today. Let’s just say hi there to all the
baby girls, and be glad that three separate birth stories resulted
in three healthy babies and three healthy moms.