1 Mother 2 Another

I feel it’s only fair to take a moment and give you my point of view on the whole Check-Up Time Elmo thing, since Maddie’s entry (see previous blog) came across a bit harsh.

So here’s my side of the story.

A couple days before Christmas, I was busy opening all the boxes we’d been sent by out-of-town friends and family. One box, sent to Madeleine, came from Amazon and I thought I knew what was inside. Opening it up, I found a pre-wrapped gift. As I started to pick it up, I heard a very distinct and unforgettable voice say, “Are you giving Elmo a check-up?”

I swear, I about peed in my pants from fright.

Opening up the enclosed packing slip I discovered that no, it was not what I’d thought, and yes, indeed, it was a Check-Up Time Elmo sent from dear Uncle Daniel. Which is fine; Maddie loves Elmo and this gift seemed a sure-fire hit.

What I didn’t know was that this Elmo could also be known as “Chatty Elmo Who Talks Without Provocation.”

Dear Uncle Daniel:

Thank you very much for my new Check-Up Time Elmo. It is one of my favorite presents I got. I like it way better than the TMX Elmo my parents worked so hard to find for me. I carry it around everywhere. I make it ride my bouncy horse. I carry it with me during night-night time and cry when Daddy makes it not make noise.

I especially like how much Elmo talks and sings. Mommy must like it too, because she said that his song gets stuck in her brain and she can’t get it out for hours. Daddy seems to really like it because he said he wants to make a tape of the song and send it to you to hear over and over. I hope he does so you get to see how funny Elmo is.

So anyway, thank you so much for my favorite new toy. You are the best godfather and get me the best presents.

Love,

Your niece Maddie

Is anyone as excited as I am about Christmas being just around the corner?

I feel like a kid again, and it’s at least partly because I’ve acknowledged this year that having a child means everything takes more time. That means both cutting back on my “to-do” list, and planning further in advance. So I gave myself a generous deadline for getting boxes mailed, spaced out the holiday baking, and so forth. Which means that as I write this, I’ve only got a couple more hours of wrapping to do. The sheer luxury of so much time before Christmas!

Even more fun than having several stress-free days ahead, though, is watching Maddie as the date draws nearer. Not that she’s got December 25 circled on her mental calendar; I’m not crazy enough to think she really understands what’s coming up. But she senses that something’s building, something big is just around the corner, and I love watching her anticipation mixing with her toddler need for instant gratification.

As I near the holiday baking finish line, I’m amazed at how different this year is from last year.

Last year I had a six-month-old, incapable of independent motion. This year it’s an 18-month-old who won’t stand still. And both have their pros and cons.

Maddie’s hit this phase where everything she gets her hands on becomes immediately and intimately hers, and Lord help you if you try to get it away from her.

I saw this coming in Maddie’s older friend Naomi, and so was a bit ready for it. But still, you don’t really know what you’re going to do when your toddler begins sobbing and clinging to every single object in her path, from toys to trash.

Today our temperature outside hit a near-balmy 60 degrees. We’ve been enjoying this warm weather as much as possible, aware that all too soon we’ll have snow days keeping us from the park.

But as nice as it’s been outside, I look around my life and feel completely Snowed Under.

Do you know how some women walk around saying that before they had kids, they were good-looking? Well, before I had a child, I was organized.

The older Maddie gets, the more she begins to interact with kids her own age. When we first started hitting the playground and having play dates, she was around a year old and didn’t really play with other kids; she’d play next to other children or watch them interestedly like they were on television or something.

But now that Maddie has been hanging around with her playground pal Naomi for six months, there’s a definite relationship forming, and I think Maddie’s officially got her first BFF –

Best Friends Forever.

We’ve hit that stage in
Maddie’s development where the answer to every question
– even if you haven’t asked a question – is
“no.”

I think Maddie’s weaned, and it just
sort of happened.


For the past few months Maddie has been pretty much weaned anyway;
she’s been only nursing to go to bed, and then if she wakes
up crying in the middle of the night. She’d been a rather
good sleeper this fall, so it was only a nursing once or twice a
month in the wee hours.

So we headed off to meet Santa today. To fully understand the Santa Buildup Phenomenon, read yesterday’s post (which for some mysterious reason just showed up a couple hours ago). To summarize the Big Meeting, I offer you these few words:

She came. She saw. She cried.

Truly, what other ending could there have possibly been?

Maddie’s heading off to meet Santa
tomorrow. Well, they’ve actually met once before, but she was
only six months old and probably doesn’t remember him. So in
an effort to keep Maddie’s upcoming meeting with Santa from
devolving into a traumatic, frightful event, we’ve spent the
past week or so re-introducing her to the jolly guy, with some
interesting results.

This weekend we moved one step closer to
Christmas Preparedness: we got our tree.


And there’s nothing like having a toddler around to remind
you of just how weird the whole “tree in the house”
thing actually is.


I don’t know about you, but I spent a lot of my adult
childless life listening to people say, “There’s
nothing like having a child to show you the true joy of
Christmas.” They were trying to say that Christmas just
isn’t really fun until you watch a child go through Christmas
morning, and I couldn’t help but think how wrong they were.
Truly, I had a pretty good time waking up on Christmas morning,
walking out to see our heavily-laden tree filled to the brim with
gifts, and realizing all those gifts were for either me or my
husband.


In short, I was pretty happy not to share.

Maddie had her 18-month well-baby visit on
Wednesday and impressed the doctor with her cool; she kept a wary
eye on the doctor the whole time, but didn’t start crying
until it was shot time.


Ah, yes, did I mention the shots?

As I explained yesterday, I’ve
discovered a gaping hole in the chocolate world – an
unexplored area, if you will. Specifically, no one had really
delved into the world of chocolate from the point of view of a
pregnant or post-partum mommy.


As we all know, we’ve got specific cravings and wants when
the hormones are raging. So I made it my mission to find the best
of the best from small chocolatiers all across the country. For
more details on my criteria and how I narrowed the final list down,
see yesterday’s blog. But for now, let’s get to the
chocolate.

I have to make a couple disclaimers here:


First, if you don’t like chocolate, I’ll see you in a
couple days. Best to stop reading now.


Second, this research was done as a service to you, the readers. I
didn’t conduct it as an excuse to eat a lot of chocolate.


Ok, that second one may not be entirely true. But moving to the
point of this article –


I’m an admitted chocoholic. Worse than that, I’m a
snobby one – I love those expensive, dark chocolates with
fancy names and ridiculously high cocoa contents. When I was
pregnant with Madeleine, I remember being shocked and dismayed that
I spent my whole first trimester NOT WANTING CHOCOLATE. Honestly, I
thought it’d be the worst part of the pregnancy; how could I
be robbed of one of my biggest joys? But no matter how I tried, the
thought of chocolate didn’t get me excited.

This is going to be one of those blogs
Maddie hates when she becomes a teenager. I can almost hear the
cries – “Mo-om! Did you have to write about
that?” It’s also going to be a TMI blog if you’re
not into talking about body functions.


Since you’re a parent, I’m assuming you’re way
past that and this is fine.

So we’ve been “out of the
closet” with this second pregnancy for about two weeks now,
and have run through most of our daily friends and family. From
here on out, it’ll be the
running-into-the-casual-acquaintance scenario, where you
can’t casually bring it up without sounding self-centered so
you wait to tell such people until you’re visibly pregnant
and not just possibly getting heavier. I know you know what
I’m talking about.


I remember telling everyone during the first pregnancy, and how
excited we were to spread the news. We told parents and respective
best friends right away, then kept our cards close to our vest
until we hit that crucial 13-week check-up. You know, the one where
you hear and see the heartbeat and everyone breathes a sigh of
relief that it’s gone well so far. Man, those first three
months were hard to wait through. Several times I was tempted to
blurt it out to a friend or client – “I’m
pregnant! I’m sorry, what were you saying about your new
couch?” But I remembered my several friends who had
miscarriages during their first trimesters and couldn’t
imagine having to go through that painful explanation over and over
again.


So I kept quiet.

Just a head’s up that the weekly
poll is going to be, um, monthly I guess. I’m on a tight time
schedule with all the holiday baking and shopping and merriment
going on, so the pregnancy symptom poll will be staying up until
January. Feel free to keep voting, and I’ll let you know how
it turns out in a few weeks!

We’ve spent most of the week talking
about holiday gift ideas – shopping suggestions for both mom
and baby (and the occasional Dad gift thrown in as well!)


But what do you do if the holidays are breathing down your neck,
and the wallet’s a bit empty? Or where do you turn for gift
ideas for the family that truly has everything? Let’s dig
in.

As we continue this week’s series on
holiday shopping, I’m turning our attention beyond the toy
stores today; for toy recommendations see yesterday’s blog.


Toys are always appreciated (especially by the kids themselves!),
but there are other options out there that are fun, useful, and
don’t take up so much precious square footage.

This week I’m doing a series on
holiday gift ideas. I usually break my informative article series
up with alternating pieces about life with Maddie, but let’s
face it: the shopping clock’s ticking. So we’re moving
forward, and today’s attention is on toy shopping.


There’s a great website you can always refer to in a pinch:
href="http://www.toyportfolio.com/">Oppenheimer Toy
Portfolio. They rate toys by age range and I’ve
always found them to be right-on. It’s a great place to turn
if you’re overwhelmed. You’ll also find a few great
websites or catalogs and learn to trust the quality of those
stores. href="http://clickserve.cc-dt.com/link/tplclick?lid=41000000010845593&pubid=21000000000082989">
One Step Ahead href="http://www.constructiveplaythings.com">Constructive
Playthings href="http://www.sensationalbeginnings.com/">Sensational
Beginnings and href="http://www.fatbraintoys.com">Fat Brain Toys have
served me well.

Today I’m kicking off a series of
articles designed to make your holiday shopping a little easier.


Don’t worry; I’m not going to spend the next few days
telling you the “hot new toys” that your baby
“must have” or anything like that. But I am going to
try to steer you through the rocky waters of baby’s
Christmas. I realized last year that I had no idea what to tell the
grandparents Maddie wanted for Christmas; she certainly
wasn’t leaving any catalogs with circled items lying around.
And I had no idea what Maddie would like to play with until she
gave it a go!


So I did my typical obsessive mommy thing – I asked my focus
group for advice. They were so helpful that I returned to them for
her first birthday, getting great suggestions for toys she’d
quickly grow into that are worth the investment. Hence, these next
articles – passing on the wisdom I’ve gathered
together.


Keep in mind that these recommendations are purely anecdotal,
depending on what our kids have liked. There’s no scientific
research behind any of these suggestions beyond polling my friends.


And the best part of this week is that I’m going beyond toys.
I’ll cover toys by age group, other gifts for kids, and lest
we forget, gifts for mommies.


Which is where we start today – gifts for expectant and new
mommies. Scroll down, and enjoy. And remember two things: first,
you’re always welcome to turn to my href="http://www.1mother2another.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=14&Itemid=34#top">
Top 5s page for suggestions on gear, clothing, and more;
and second, you can always email an article to someone! Say, a
spouse!

Some of you may be puzzled that I’m
starting off the article series on holiday shopping with
suggestions for you, but let’s face it: once baby shows up,
you move from being the center of attention to the Glorified Diaper
Bag Carrier. So let’s give ourselves some front-and-center
time!

Obviously, I can’t make personalized
suggestions for you all as to what you’d most like to see
under your tree. I’d say that you should make it clear to
your loved ones if you don’t want anything mommy- or
baby-related, or you may end up with a stocking full of Buy Buy
Baby gift cards. But speaking as a pregnant mommy with a toddler at
home, I enjoy a bit of mommy-related gifts. And of course, I love
clothes. So I’m listing my favorite sites to find pregnancy
and post-partum clothing that goes beyond practicals, beyond Gap
Maternity, beyond those comfortable, “useful” black
pants that grow with you and go with anything. Want maternity
clothing recommendations in general? Check my href="http://www.1mother2another.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=14&Itemid=34">
Top 5s Page.

We’re back from our Thanksgiving
trip to visit family, and the one thing I can say with certainty is
that nothing went as we originally planned.


One day before we headed out, my grandmother died. Though this was
not entirely unexpected, I was devastated: my grandmother meant a
lot to me and I will miss her very much.

(Note: I originally wrote this entry a
month ago; I’m catching you up on my first trimester!)

I’m starting week ten in this
pregnancy, and that’s the only word for it –
harder.

I know I mentioned in an earlier blog that
I didn’t have morning sickness with my first pregnancy.
I’ve not hit the actual puking point in this one, but
I’m definitely dealing with on-the-edge nausea and managing
that seems to take up an inordinate amount of time.

(Note: I originally wrote this entry a
couple months ago – I’m catching you up on my first
trimester!)

Six weeks pregnant, and boy how different
the second time around is. I feel like I’m seriously
spreading, in every sense of the word.

Weight-wise, I seem to be at the same
place I was at six weeks into my first pregnancy, but boy does my
body look different. My old friend the Spare Tire has returned with
a vengeance. Remember that point in the pregnancy where you just
look dumpy? Well, I’m there.

How can my body look this different if my
weight’s the same? I tell you, my body’s embracing this
pregnancy like a long-lost Barkalounger – “Ah, there
you are, you comfortable thing you!”

(Note: I'm actually three months pregnant
right now. The following entry was originally written a couple
months ago, and I'm catching you up!)


So I’m pregnant again. Almost five weeks. I’ve
officially known for one day now, but I’ve suspected since
the very beginning, and known for sure since I went shopping two
days ago. You know how you can tell when you’re gaining
weight? And you see it start to appear in all the usual places?
Well pregnancy weight is a bit different. I mean, I’m on
vacation, so I’ve been sampling the local desserts somewhat
regularly, but that only accounts for a pound or two of
bikini-stretching. As I tried on clothing at the outlet mall the
other day, I realized I felt much heavier, much faster, than
chocolate explained. I pulled on a pair of pants in my usual size.
No go – in fact, laughably off base. I’d expected a bit
tight, but this . . . we’re talking barely pulling over the
hips. Then my eyes journeyed down from my waist and I saw-


Those thighs! I recognize those thighs! I haven’t seen those
thighs for over a year!

As you may have figured out from some of
my recent article topics, I’m pregnant again. I’ve just
completed my third month and have officially been given the OK by
my doctor to make it public. So there you go!


I’m pregnant!

So Madeleine’s hit this stage that I
can only pray is early-onset Terrible Twos. She’s discovered
she has a will of her own, and her choice does not always coincide
with Mommy’s choice. This makes for some very very very long
days. See, the more Madeleine understands what I’m saying,
the more I try to explain what we’re doing and why; I’m
making an effort to include her in our day rather than throw her
around like a parcel from place to place. The good side is that she
understands pretty much everything I’m saying; the bad side
is that she now feels free to disagree.

The week that the whole family was sick
recently, none of us felt like cooking. Even after our appetites
returned and we moved off of bland rice diets, mustering up a meal
from scratch seemed beyond our capabilities. If it hadn’t
been for the fact that I’m an obsessive food hoarder and had
a freezer full of “emergency” casseroles and sauces,
we’d have spent a fortune on takeout. As it is, I simply have
an empty freezer and have to start building up again.


I’m lucky, I know – I’m naturally organized and
enjoy cooking. I’m a good cook and don’t mind spending
time in the kitchen. Put that with an affinity for planning ahead,
making double recipes for sick friends or
“emergencies”, and I’m rarely without a meal
close at hand. If you’re not like me, you’re sending me
hateful thoughts right now and wishing I’d shut up. But the
good news is, help is on the way.

Unless you’ve been living under a
rock with no television for the past few months, I’m sure
you’re aware of the latest, must-have Elmo for this holiday
season – the TMX Elmo. Celebrating Tickle Me Elmo’s
10th anniversary, this version leaves all other Tickle Me’s
in the dust. He falls over. He screams with laughter. He rolls on
his side, kicking and screaming. And then he stands up and begs you
not to tickle him again.


Given our daughter’s current href="http://www.1mother2another.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=412&Itemid=46">
obsession (thanks one more time Uncle Daniel) with the
Red Guy, and the fact that we saw a TMX “performance”
online and thought it was pretty dang funny ourselves, Brian and I
cautiously jumped on the TMX bandwagon. We decided we’d keep
our eyes open for one, though we drew the line at paying above
retail price: no buys on Ebay, we vowed. We joined forces with my
friend Ingrid, who was also searching for a TMX for her daughter
Naomi. The two of us agreed to keep our ears open, and whoever
found them first would buy for both of us, if possible.

This week’s poll is up and running,
and I’m asking you to go back and visit the not-so-fun
memories of your pregnancy.


What was your biggest pregnancy “symptom”? Nausea the
whole nine months? Fatigue? Back pain? All of the above? I want to
know!


As always, the poll will be up all week, on the right side of my
home page underneath the different category buttons. You
don’t need to be a registered user to vote; simply click and
submit to have your voice heard!

For last week’s poll, I asked when
you first began putting anything “extra” –
blankets, stuffed animals, and so forth – into baby’s
crib. Fully half of you waited at least a year, while the rest of
you either had the crib filled from birth or waited about six
months.


We fell on the more cautious end of the scale – I think
Maddie was a good nine months before we began adding a blanket into
her crib. Up until that point, she slept in one of those sleep
sacks every night – on of the best inventions ever, in my
opinion. But right around nine months I realized that 1) it
wasn’t so much a sack anymore – Maddie’s feet
were stretching out the bottom of the garment, rather than allowing
it to hang loose like a blanket; and 2) since Maddie was pulling
herself up to standing, especially in the crib, it was only a
matter of time before she tried to walk in it, tripped, fell, and
had a traumatic moment. So we nervously introduced the blanket. And
to be honest, she’d been sleeping under the blanket for a
couple months before that during nap times – just never the
full night.

Yesterday we talked about traveling with
infants who are not yet mobile: babies who have not yet started
crawling, cruising, walking, etc.


In short, kids you can still muscle around and dominate relatively
easily.


Today we’re going to cover the munchkins who have, shall we
say, a will of their own and way to go about exercising it.

With the holidays fast approaching –especially that Family Gathering Marathon, Thanksgiving – I thought I’d write up some things I’ve learned about traveling with young children. Much of this was passed on to me by my Mommy Focus Group when I first started flying with Madeleine, but some of this was learned the hard way. For the purposes of simplicity, I’m splitting kids into two groups – babies who aren’t mobile and toddlers who are. So I’d apply this article to anyone just barely crawling or younger; tomorrow I’ll cover getting around with mobile kids.

First, the good news. Traveling with a newborn, while daunting, is actually easier than traveling with an older baby or toddler. Newborns and young infants sleep a lot and you don’t have any meal or snack planning to take into account.

The bad news, though, is that young infants are wildly unpredictable, aren’t usually on a schedule yet that you can plan around, and generally have the potential to make the trip a nightmare for your whole family and a plane full of strangers.

So last year Maddie href="http://www.1mother2another.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=216&Itemid=46">
refused to wear mittens. She loved the cold weather
(freak) and didn’t want anything more getting between her and
nature. Her naked little hands became so famous in the neighborhood
that the mailman took to calling her the Mittenless Wonder.


For some naïve reason, I thought this year would be
different.

This week's poll is up and running and
all about baby's crib.


With new info on SIDS being released this week, I was wondering
when everyone first started trusting baby in the crib with
potential suffocating hazards like a blanket. Did you go with the
crib filler from week one? Wait a few months? Wait a year? I want
to know!



As always, the poll will be up all week, on the right side of my
home page underneath the different category buttons. You
don’t need to be a registered user to vote; simply click and
submit to have your voice heard!

I’ve finally had a chance to look at
the results from my most recent poll – What was baby’s
first word?

And it’s good to know I’m not
the only one who got left in the dust.

Overwhelmingly, “Dada” was
baby’s first word, with “Mama” coming in a
distant second.

Before I got pregnant, everyone told me
baby’s first word is usually “mama”; I assumed it
was because that’s the person baby’s around the most.
After I had Maddie, though, the truth came out. I had mom after mom
confess to me that baby’s first word was
“dada”.

Why didn’t anyone admit to this
earlier?

The sun is shining, the sky is bright, and
my child feels better.


I have to tell you, last week was no picnic whatsoever, and we were
hit with a simple cold. I can’t imagine if the family had
been down with the flu or some ickier virus.


I was about 24 hours ahead of Maddie, with Brian following maybe
two days behind her, so we were good and spread out on the sick
scale. And Maddie and I have had a cold together once before, a
couple months ago, but let me tell you – this was way
worse.

Hey fellow moms.


Sorry I'm quiet right now - we're all three down sick with a very
nasty cold, and don't have much time to write. Up all night,
entertaining a crabby 16-month-old all day. Hopefully I'll be back
up and posting tomorrow!

First off, I’m leaving last
week’s poll up for another week, and we’ll talk about
baby’s first words next Monday. I’m dealing with a sick
kid here and am too tired to think of anything else.


Yes, Maddie’s definitely got a cold, as evidenced by a
sleepless night for the whole family last night; Maddie would whine
fitfully for a couple minutes, fall silent for 10-15 minutes, and
then whine again. All night. Poor lambie was so stuffed up she
simply couldn’t get comfortable and get to sleep. Around 5
a.m. it turned to a more insistent cry, so we went in for a little
damage control and comforting.


While Maddie and I snuggled in the rocking chair having a bottle of
milk, Daddy put a bed pillow under the mattress at one end of
Maddie’s crib, so that when she lay back down her head would
be elevated. In the past, we’ve simply raised the mattress
setting one notch instead on one end, but didn’t have the
time or, frankly, the motor skills at 5 a.m. to do that. So when
she went back to bed – 11 books and a bottle of milk and an
hour later – she was able to fall asleep for a couple
hours.

Maddie and I seem to be coming down with a
cold, so you'll have to wait until tomorrow (hopefully) to hear
the current poll results as I take a bit of a sick day.


Meanwhile, my brother sent me a link to href="http://today.reuters.com/news/articlenews.aspx?type=domesticNews&storyID=2006-10-19T210728Z_01_N19206647_RTRUKOC_0_US-LIFE-NANNIES.xml&src=101906_1831_ARTICLE_PROMO_also_on_reuters">
this article and I'm interested in your opinion. What
do you think of women who put "How's My Nanny" bumperstickers on
their strollers, in the hopes that strangers will contact them with
reports of negligence? Does this seem to be a great way to keep an
extra eye on your baby, or a sign you don't trust your caregiver?
If you were a nanny, would this insult you?


I have to confess, I'd feel insulted if I were a nanny; on the
other hand, I've often longed for a phone number to be printed
across the foreheads of some of the tots I see on the playground,
so their moms could hear how poorly they are treated by their
nannies.


What do you think?

For the past few Fridays, I’ve been
talking about the finer points of life on the playground. target="_blank"
href="http://www.1mother2another.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=417&Itemid=46">
Two weeks ago I discussed the kinds of moms and dads you
can expect to run into during play time; href="http://www.1mother2another.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=423&Itemid=46">
last week I gave some practical tips for navigating
swing time.


This week, we’re all about the most delicate part of getting
around the playground – dealing with other people’s
kids.


One of the most frustrating aspects of playground time is how much
you interact with other children, and how little control you have
over them. Not all parents have the same opinions on child-rearing
that you do, and keeping your child safe and happy during play time
without getting into a fight with a caregiver can be very tricky
sometimes. And if you live in an area like I do where English is
not the primary language and there’s a collision of cultures
– you hear much more Spanish, Hindustani, and Romanian most
days than you do English – then you feel even more on your
guard.

I’ve noticed over the past few
months that Maddie’s transitioned from a fearless,
why-not-try-everything baby into an anxious, jumpy toddler. Having
something scare her wouldn’t be so bad in itself; it’s
important for her to learn that there is danger out there. But
whereas she once had a baby memory –easy in, easy out, and
it’s forgotten in five minutes – now she’s got
Toddler Elephant Memory, and she won’t let go.

Recently Maddie’s been mimicking one
more thing Mommy does – taking care of Baby.


A couple weeks ago, Brian noticed Maddie walking around with her
baby doll, sounding unhappy. She was holding Baby Doll up to her
shoulder, making a steady, whimery/whiney kind of noise.


Brian said, “Maddie? Are you OK?”


Maddie looked at him, put her finger to her lips, and said,
“Shhhh.”


Apparently Baby Doll was crying, and Maddie was comforting her. A
few pats on the back, and Baby Doll was all better: Maddie smiled,
said “Dah!!” and threw the dolly down on the floor,
walking away.

OK, so I’ve got a Bad Mommy
confession to make.


Actually, not a Bad Mommy confession as much as a Bad Owner
confession.


You know how my daughter simply LOVES Kitty? Can’t get enough
of her? And Kitty, while in some way flattered, can only take
Maddie in small doses?


I’ve been feeling rundown and tired with seasonal allergies,
and Maddie with her new “Up!” command was really
wearing me down. I couldn’t get the dishwasher emptied, lunch
cleaned up, dinner started, anything. She was in a real
“Mommy! Attention!” mode.


I needed a break, ok? Anywhere I could get it.

With several different girlfriends in
various stages of pregnancy, the topic of morning sickness seems to
be never far from the table. So last week’s poll was an
attempt to glean a bit of wisdom from you gals, and give my
mommies-to-be the comforting news that they aren’t alone.


If there’s one thing the poll showed, it’s that every
pregnancy is different. Out of six possible answers, the votes were
split completely evenly between five of them. Of course there were
those people who didn’t get morning sickness at all; we try
not to be envious and move on.


But as for the rest, it’s whatever works, baby. Some said
managing their diet and getting enough exercise kept the morning
sickness under control. Other moms just gritted their teeth and
counted down the puking days until 14 weeks and they were out of
the first trimester. There were moms who said they ate whatever
they could possibly keep down, healthy or balanced or not, while
still others said they ate as little as possible to avoid throwing
up more.

This week’s poll is up and running,
and talk about chatty cathys!


What was your baby’s first word? Mama? Dada? Don’t
remember? I want to know!


As always, the poll will be up all week, on the right side of my
home page underneath the different category buttons. You
don’t need to be a registered user to vote; simply click and
submit to have your voice heard!

href="http://www.1mother2another.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=417&Itemid=46">
Last week I talked about the kind of moms and dads you
can expect to run into on the playground, and how to deal with
them.


This week, I thought I’d give you a few practical guidelines
for getting around the blacktop.


For you see, there are a few rules that most every parent
acknowledges – even unconsciously – to keep playground
time safe and fair. There are, of course, those parents who choose
to ignore those rules, but newcomers often simply don’t know
better until they’ve been there a while and gotten the lay of
the land. So here’s a brief rundown –

This past weekend we drove to visit my new
nephew – 5 weeks old and counting – and of course see
my brother and his wife as well. It’s a six-hour drive that
we haven’t done since Maddie was 8 ½ months, and I
have to confess that I was nervous about the twelve hours in a car
over two days.


Silly me.


As if we could make it in six hours now that Maddie’s
mobile.

I'm back from a three-day weekend visiting my new nephew (more
on that later), and finally have a chance to check in on last
week's poll and how you deal with the Diaper Bag Dilemma.


Almost half of you have only one bag, which also acts as your
purse. A few confessed to being a diaper bag addict , the new
accessory obsession for mommies, while a couple of you said you've
got a few bags that you choose from depending on how long you''ll
be gone. And one person admitted to carrying a diaper bag and
separate purse, and feeling like a pack mule.

I’m back from a three-day weekend visiting my new nephew (more on that
later), and finally have a chance to check in on last week’s poll – how
you deal with the Diaper Bag Dilemma.

Almost half of you have
only one bag, which also acts as your purse. A few confessed to being a
diaper bag addict – the new accessory obsession for mommies– while a
couple of you said you’ve got a few bags that you choose from depending
on how long you’ll be gone. And one person admitted to carrying a
diaper bag and separate purse, and feeling like a pack mule.

This week’s poll is up and running, and sure to bring back not-so-fond
memories.

I’m wondering how you handled morning sickness while
you were pregnant. Do you try any old wives’ remedy you could get your
hands on? Keep your head down and count the days until your second
trimester? Were you able to manage it with diet and exercise? Did you
give in to your cravings? Did you not have morning sickness? I want to
know!

As always, the poll will be up all week, on the right side
of my home page underneath the different category buttons. You don’t
need to be a registered user to vote; simply click and submit to have
your voice heard!

 Maddie and I have been hitting the playground regularly since late spring and I can honestly say it’s an amazingly complex place to hang out. Having become, if not a pro, at least a seasoned veteran of the Urban Jungle Gym, I thought I’d pass on what I’ve learned; I’ve also culled tips and comments from my mommy focus group, and hopefully all this will make your initial forays into the playground a little easier to handle.

So yesterday afternoon a small plane crashed into an apartment building here in New York. We all immediately assumed terrorists, of course, and everyone had flashbacks to where they were and how they felt on September 11. As of this writing it was determined to be non-terrorist – simply a tragic accident involving a novice pilot and his instructor.

For a couple hours, though, it was up in the air, and my instinctive reaction was, “This is just the beginning.” Attacking a relatively small (50 story) apartment building didn’t fit the terrorist MO, so I was almost assuming a larger attack was imminent, probably around rush hour. Since I was home and Brian works from home, we were safe, but he was due to head into the city during rush hour to lead a worship service.

Without even asking me, Brian called and said he wouldn’t make it. Was he afraid to travel? No. He simply knew I’d worry the whole time. After 9/11, which he was in the middle of, I was nervous any time he was out of my sight for several weeks. And that was before we became parents. 

In Maddie’s newfound fascination with all things grown-up, her biggest obsession is the telephone.

She’s long enjoyed the cell-phone as an accessory, packing an old one in her “purse” and periodically taking it out, tucking it between her ear and shoulder, and walking around shouting. But for the past month or two she’s realized that when Mommy and Daddy do that, there’s a Real Live Voice talking back to them, and now nothing less will do.

Sometimes Maddie simply wants to expound on a subject and doesn’t really need feedback, and in those instances she’ll grab whatever’s handy – her plastic phone, Elmo, whatever – pretend it’s a phone, and begin lecturing. More often than not, though, she’s looking for a two-way conversation and there’d better be someone around willing to deliver.

We’re going through a point of astonishing physical development with Maddie, in more ways than one.

First off, her body has sprung up, seemingly overnight. Our last doctor’s visit showed that while her weight stayed in the 15th percentile, her height had jumped to the 75th! She’s walking around in either bell-bottom pants that fit around the waist, or pants that are long enough but show half her diaper as they swim around her middle. Suddenly she’s reaching the tops of counters with her hands, easily pulling off any dish or food in her way.

But even more than her physical development, her motor skills are suddenly in fast-forward. 

This week’s poll is up and running, and I’m snooping into your bags.

I’m interested in how you solve the Diaper Bag Dilemma: do you have one bag, that also acts as your purse? Do you have a couple different diaper bags of different sizes, depending on how long you’ll be gone from the house? Do you have an array of diaper bags simply to change out as your accessory? Do you simply stuff an extra diaper and Ziploc of wipes into your purse and call it a day? I want to know!

As always, the poll will be up all week, on the right side of my home page underneath the different category buttons. You don’t need to be a registered user to vote; simply click and submit to have your voice heard! 

Last week’s poll results are in, and it’s an animated world, after all.

I asked who your child’s favorite character is, and we had a four-way tie between Dora the Explorer, Winnie the Pooh, Elmo, and “other”. As for our household, we fall squarely into the “Elmo” category.

But not without a fight. 

Brian and I have been talking recently about siblings for Madeleine, and what sort of “spacing” between them we’d ideally like to see. We’re both going through a renewed love affair with Maddie right now; just thinking about her makes either one of us break into a goofy grin. She’s such a great kid, and I mentioned to Brian that one of the things holding me back is my concern for Maddie.

Before you stop reading this and type up an email listing the “dangers” of having an only child, let me say that we’re not planning on making Maddie an only child. I know all the benefits and we’re eager to see what kind of big sister she’ll be. But let me tell you something: any parent of a single child who says they don’t have any fears about loving subsequent children less than their firstborn is totally lying. 

Remember how Madeleine was throwing up this past weekend?

Tuesday she was a bit clingy, a bit needy, with a very low fever. I thought it was teething, gave her Motrin at bedtime, and dismissed it. Wednesday morning she refused breakfast, which I again dismissed as no big deal because I’d gotten her up a bit early for a well-baby doctor’s visit.

Yeah, you can see this coming, can’t you.

In case you didn’t know, my nephew Dean was born recently! I’ve been waiting to say something until I had some photos to go with it.

And on that subject – honestly, John, sleep deprivation is no excuse. Should have had a link to Snapfish or something by now. But I’ll let it slide this time.

So here’s a picture of the cutie; the cammo is a nod to his maternal uncle, currently stationed in Iraq. I’m impressed that at even just a couple weeks old, he already has more hair than my daughter. As for Maddie, she’s very eager to teach Dean some tricks she’s learned along the way – how to throw a tantrum, how to pretend not to understand what “no” means, and so on. 

Warning: this blog is not for the faint of stomach. But then, neither is much of parenthood.

This past weekend, we went away for a lovely church retreat. Bucolic hillsides, changing trees painted with oranges and scarlets, apple picking: all the earmarks of a lovely and peaceful family weekend.

And to be fair, the first day was great. Madeleine saw for the first time a wide expanse of green we call “grass” (remember – city kid) and, after her initial fear, took to it like cows to, well, grass. She’d climb up a gentle hill slope; run down it shrieking and screaming with glee while holding Daddy’s hands, feet barely touching the ground; rest a few minutes at the bottom, panting; then turn and trudge determinedly back up the hill. We walked near a small stream, we chalked outside with other kids, we did it all.

And then the nighttime came. 

This week’s poll is up and running, and is quite a popularity contest.

Who
or what is your child’s favorite cartoon character? Elmo? Dora? Bob the
Builder? I want to know!

As usual, the poll will be up all week
on my home page, on the right hand side below all the navigation
buttons. You don’t need to be a registered user to vote; simply click
and submit to have your voice heard! 

Last week I polled you all on sign language: do you use it? How often?
If not, why not?

Interestingly enough, 80% of respondents
answered unanimously – you’ve taught a few key signs, but don’t knock
yourself out to teach baby a whole new language. The other 20% who
answered said they don’t use sign language on purpose, fearing it will
slow down speech development.

Brian and I spoke about teaching
Madeleine sign language before she was born. It seemed like an ideal
answer to alleviating a child’s frustration at her inability to
communicate effectively. As we asked around, we met people who swore by
it, and people who mentioned their concern that learning to sign would
delay speech; after all, why struggle to talk when you can already make
your needs known? 

There’s nothing like a toddler in your life to remind you that there’s more than one way to view a situation.

Maddie and I were walking home from the park recently when a car alarm went off across the street. Now, Maddie’s no stranger to car alarms; this is New York, after all. So I was surprised that she became very agitated as the alarm continued to go off. I encouraged her to keep walking past it, trying to hurry without making it look like I was panicking. I was assuming the alarm was making her nervous, and wanted to keep her calm.

Before I became pregnant, I never really used to notice babies and
children in the world around me. Sure, I’d hear the occasional toddler
meltdown at the grocery store – accompanied by a line of fastidious
faux-compassionate smiles from annoyed non-parents – and I’d notice a
cute baby cooing happily on the subway. But there didn’t seem to be
that many of them.


Once pregnant, though, it’s as if there was some veil lifted from my
eyes – babies everywhere! Burstingly pregnant women walking up the
stairs, tired and cranky infants being pushed in their strollers,
aromatic toddlers with an obviously full diaper; they all seemed to jump
out of the woodwork at me. I guess I had just never really noticed them
before.

In the same way, before I had Maddie I’d see an
unaccompanied adult and assume they were childless. I mean permanently
childless, not simply missing one of their kids. I don’t know; I guess
I assumed circumstances on people because they were my circumstances.
Make sense?

Now that I’m a parent, though, I’m realizing that a
very large percentage of the adult world is made up of people with
children. I know, sounds pretty self-evident, but it was rather
revelatory to me. And nowhere was it so evident – or so appreciated –
as when we were on vacation. 

I can’t believe that summer’s already officially over. (Yes, I know it’s almost October, but I’ve been on vacation. Cut me some slack.) As we went into the season, Maddie was cruising like a pro but not yet walking unassisted. She was weeks away from her first birthday, still shy on the playground, and had never been left with anyone other than a family member.

I remember looking at the summer months stretching out before me and thinking of all I wanted to do with my daughter. I saw her birthday as some sort of milestone that would release us into this whole new world – one where she became comfortable hanging out with other kids, became weaned, and became more confident in herself. I wanted to find a way to move Maddie to the next step – socialization. 

  I already posted today’s regular entry (see below), but I have to jot this mommy tip down while I’m thinking about it. I know, I did a slew of babyproofing entries several months ago when kiddo became mobile. But she’s recently grown, which means she stands taller in her crib, which means she can now turn the light in her room on and off. And on. And off. And on. The only thing that gives it away, as a matter of fact, is her breathy laughter on the baby monitor as she tries to do it quietly and not draw attention to herself.

Or the light cutting in and out under her door.

So after a huge Internet search I finally found a baby lock for light switches. Apparently there’s not a big market for them, since most sites had gadgets to make light switches more accessible to toddlers. I shudder. At any rate, if you’ve got a kiddo who can reach a light switch, or if you want to baby proof a danger area like the switch to the garbage disposal, here’s the tool for you – the Safety First Switch Lock Guard.

We got it, installed it, love it.

Maddie hates it.

Just wanted to pass it on to you . . .

I hate to admit it, but I’m still waking up most mornings and wishing I were back in my luxury resort. I need a few moments to reorient myself, to realize that no, there is no room service bringing us our fresh waffles, and yes, I do have to do the laundry.

But in many ways it’s great to be back. As much as Maddie loved her new experiences and plush surroundings, she’s pretty ecstatic to be back in her controlled environment. Her shout of glee at seeing her bouncy horse when we entered the house for the first time was topped only by the uncontrollable squeals that escaped her when she first laid eyes on her beloved playground.

And as much as I loved having so much taken care of for me on vacation, I’m happy to be back in the saddle, holding the reins of this family. Our vacation was our first foray into The Real World – the one where I can’t control how much light is coming into baby girl’s room, or guarantee that she’ll have fresh steamed veggies for dinner. One of my biggest apprehensions about our trip was that precise lack of control – my inability to dominate most aspects of my daughter’s surroundings. 

This week’s poll is up and running, and is all about speaking without words.

How do you feel about teaching your baby sign language? Does it seem pretentious and pointless to you? Have you read up on a few key signs, but are staying pretty laid back about it? Did you introduce baby to her first sign language DVD at 6 weeks old? I want to know!

As always, the poll will be up all week on my homepage, right-hand side below all the category buttons. You don’t have to be a registered user to vote; simply click and submit to make your voice heard!

Our most recent poll focused on preschool and the options we’ve got as parents of infants and toddlers. A full fifty percent of you said you’ll be sending your child to preschool around age 3 or 4, mostly for socialization reasons. The rest of you split down the line evenly, with some opting to save money and not start an organized school until kindergarten, some working to get their children into the “right” preschool as the first step towards the “right” college, and one mom even admitting that the sooner her child was in preschool, the sooner she’d finally have some time back for herself. (I feel you, girlfriend!)

Interestingly enough, I posted this poll a few weeks ago, before heading off on vacation, and my girlfriend Abby did a guest post while I was gone about her son Isaiah starting preschool last week. At 3 ½ (I can’t bring myself to think of him as an almost-four-year-old yet), Isaiah’s right in the middle age of kids starting preschool. If you’ve read Abby’s blogs, you know she’s helping launch a new preschool in her area so she’s a big supporter of them. Originally worried about how Isaiah would do at his twice-weekly school, Abby now worries that it doesn’t meet frequently enough to suit him! 

I know it's a long shot that you came across my business card for this
site and decided to check it out, but I figured it's worth a try since
you stole it from my stroller at the playground today.

There are
a couple important things you should know:

First, the cards have
all been canceled, and a credit fraud alert issued to the three main
credit reporting bureaus.

Second, I've filed a police report.

Third,
I'd really like my driver's license back. It's tough to get my girlie
around without it. Feel free to anonymously email me
(jennifer@1mother2another.com) and I'll email back my PO box address.
I'm not interested in chasing you down, I promise; I just want the
license.

Fourth, I forgive you. I hope you truly needed it and
that the $20 in there helped you. I wish you would have felt like you
could have asked me for help.

Jennifer 

For those of you who requested photos of Maddie on vacation, I've got some posted in the entry below, and I've also uploaded several more to my frontpage rotating photo gallery. What comes up is random, so simply click on the picture that appears to see everything in her gallery.

Enjoy! 

 I’ve just dumped all the vacation photos from my digital camera, and can’t believe how much we crammed into twelve short days. Maddie experienced things that some people go their whole lives without ever enjoying, and has a huge list of “firsts” to add to her diary, including:

If the first half of our vacation was about getting Maddie used to the ocean and outdoors, the second half was all about getting Maddie used to living the luxurious life.

We clearly did our job too well. 

There are many things I’ll remember for a long time about our vacation; it was our first one with a child, after all, and we spent a week in the lap of all-expense-paid luxury.  But I think I’ll remember this vacation most fondly as the time Maddie Met The Ocean.

And almost never spoke to it again.

Our first day in our borrowed beach house, we arrived mid-afternoon, settled in, and went out for a celebratory dinner.  Unable to wait until the next day for our first stroll on the sand, Brian and I decided to hit the beach on our way home and watch the sun set.  Maddie was punch-drunk from a day of not being on a plane the whole time, and happily hopped out of the car at our local boardwalk.  Her shoes came off (always a good thing in Maddie Land) and she joyfully ascended the stairs.  Seeing a whole expanse of wooden sidewalk in front of her, she took off running, screaming with abandon, carefully lowered herself down the ocean-side stairs –

And screeched to a halt at the sand’s edge.  Cue the sound of a needle ripped off the soundtrack to Maddie’s life.

So far, we’ve had two travel days; one to start our vacation and another to get from borrowed vacation house to business trip.  Both days involved two  flights and long car drives; flying time totaled somewhere between 5 and 7 hours each day.  We’ve got one more travel day ahead of us and rather than spend another 7 hours of flying and changing planes (thanks to our frequent flyer be-grateful-you’re-getting-there-in-one-day program), we’ve splurged and bought cheap one-way fares to get us home in one 2.5-hour trip.  Frankly, the thought of not slogging through a connecting airport with a stroller and carseat and, oh yes, a baby, is a dazzling prospect I dare not dwell too long on lest it turn out to be a mirage and vanish before my eyes.

So what was the travel really like?  Did it live up to my nightmares?  Did Madeleine melt down frequently, and at great volume?

For the most part, no.  I have to admit that the commuting part of the vacation was less dramatic than I had anticipated, though it was certainly grueling.

And my baby girl?

She’s a trooper.

I’m back!

Ok, I’m not really back.  We’re on the tail end of our vacation; a business trip for my husband with a company that thoughtfully allowed families to come along.  So Maddie and I are living it up poolside while Daddy works.   But  I missed you guys, and can’t help myself; I’ve ended up just “jotting down a few notes” several nights this vacation.

We’re finally packed (almost) and ready for our big vacation. It’s our first real vacation as a family; our first trip that doesn’t involved visiting family somewhere, that is purely recreational. Almost two weeks of sun and sand.

I’m petrified.

How is this going to affect Maddie? How will she take the changes in her routine? Sleeping in a strange room?

Flying for seven hours?

We’ve got a mountain of luggage and I’ve resigned myself to the fact that we are officially “that family” – the ones everyone else in the airport rolls their eyes about as we pass. I’ve accepted the fact that Maddie probably won’t appreciate being strapped down for a dozen hours a day, and at some point over the next 24 hours she will have a very public meltdown. Doesn’t mean I’m looking forward to it.

So I’m looking forward to the family time; just not the time it’ll take getting to and from that point.

If you’re worried I’m abandoning you, don’t worry; the cyber-girlfriend wouldn’t let you down. My girlfriend Abby will be steering the 1M2A ship while I’m gone. So you’ll get a chance to hear from a more seasoned mom for a week or so. Got any questions? Fire away! Enjoy the fresh voice, and I’ll speak with y’all later!

Have I mentioned Maddie likes shoes?

My mom and I took Maddie for her first adventure in shoe shopping (no guys allowed, of course) and boy, is she a fast learner.

We’ve bought real shoes (as opposed to my beloved Robeez) before, but it was the “stand in Target and hold your kid’s foot to the bottom of a shoe to guess the size” method. This time, we went to a real children’s shoe store and had her foot measured and everything.

I’m glad I did, too; I was squeezing poor kiddo into a size 2 when she’s apparently now a size 4.

Sorry, baby girl.

Hey ladies -

As I wrestle with the fallout of a partial weaning (see today's entry below), I keep going back to Binkytown  and Amy's recent blog on turning the corner with her son's separation anxiety. Her post certainly rings true with me, so I thought I'd pass it on - please check it out. 

So all jokes about weaning plans aside, I did something “unscheduled” recently.

I weaned Maddie off of her nap nursing, cold turkey.

I’ve been wanting to let Maddie wean naturally – lose interest, transition to other rituals, etc. But with a vacation looming (read – no guarantee of ritual availability) it seemed prudent to make sure Maddie didn’t need to nurse to go down for a nap.

So last Monday, I went through everything up to the nursing, hugged her tightly, and put her in her crib.

She started wailing, of course, looking at me with confusion, betrayal, and hurt. At least, that’s what it looked like to my mommy eyes.

Whereas she used to be put in her crib still awake and go to sleep without a fuss, she rolled over, stood up, and ran screaming towards the door where Mommy was beating a cowardly retreat. I stood outside the door and began watching the clock.

This week’s poll is up and running, and it’s school days again!


Where do you stand on sending your child to preschool, or
pre-kindergarten? Do you get them into classes and out of the house as
soon as possible? Do you work full-time, and so already have them in a
school environment? Are you looking for planned socialization? Is it
all about building your child’s resume, so they get in the “right”
college? Or do you save your money, and hold out until kindergarten? I
want to know!

The poll will be up for a couple weeks (my vacation
and all that!); it’s on my home page on the right, under the Topic
buttons. As always, you don’t need to be a registered user to vote;
simply click and submit to have your voice heard! 

Last week’s poll asked how often you choose to travel with your baby. Does your baby have his own frequent flyer number? Do you prefer to drive over flying? Or do you stay home by choice if at all possible?

Almost half of you said your baby’s a seasoned pro by now, with quite a few trips under his belt. The rest of the mommies were pretty evenly divided between those who fly when necessary, those who try to drive if at all possible, and those who stay home by choice.

We first flew with Maddie when she was three months old. I knew the mommy trick of nursing Madeleine during takeoff and landing to help equalize her ears, and as promised, she didn’t cry at all during any of the flights. The airline we flew was (overall) helpful, allowing us to pre-board, gate-check our stroller, and carry-on a diaper bag for “free”. I remember when we returned home from the trip feeling as if we had dodged a bullet; no major meltdowns, no huge baggage catastrophes. Maddie’s car seat was part of her stroller so they transported it for us for free. In fact, I had a few mommy friends tell me enviously to “enjoy it while you can”, since apparently newborn is the easiest age to travel with for quite a while.

Madeleine’s well on her way to toddlerhood, and nowhere is it more evident than in her discovery of – and assertion of – her own will.

For a kid who can’t talk, she certainly knows how to make herself understood, and will go to great lengths to get her point across if it’s something close to her heart – like walking.

She’s hit this point where she LOVES to walk (see previous entry) and is incredibly upset to find herself in 1) a carseat; or 2) a stroller. After screaming and arching her back to avoid the stroller, for example, she’ll spend much of the stroller walk time pointing at the ground and speaking anxiously to me, just in case I didn’t understand that she really wanted to get down and walk herself.

So I’m trying to allow her to walk as many places as possible – the park, a friend’s house, whatever. We even go for daily walks around the block so she can stretch her apparently restless legs. But even allowing her to walk isn’t always enough for her, and Maddie and I have to find a way to discuss the situation and arrive at a reasonable compromise.

Since she was a newborn, Maddie and I have regularly had dance time together. At first it was Maddie in the Bjorn  while I tried vainly to calm her colicky cries; then we moved on to pure entertainment  with Madeleine sitting in the bouncy chair and me running through my best stuff. And let me tell you, she was a tough critic.

But as she developed, girlie moved from spectator to participant. She’s now a full-fledged dancin’ queen and has definitely earned her shoes. Her heart’s always been in it, and I’ve been fascinated to watch how her dancing style developed as her body came under her control.

When she first began participating she was severely limited, since she couldn’t actually walk or stand up. She loved to bob vigorously, though, and would hiney scooch around the floor with the best of them. We added scarf dancing soon after, and she’d wave vigorously while mommy twirled around her.

Being able to pull herself to standing ushered in a whole new era of Maddie dancing, and she never looked back. 

My daughter loves to walk.

Put her down on a sidewalk armed
only with a toddler’s instinctive knowledge of the nearest swingset, and
she’s off and running. She can go for surprisingly long distances
without collapsing, and adores being given the space to “do it herself”.

My
daughter loves to walk.

She does not, however, like to turn
around and come back.

Against my husband’s explicit instructions and fervent (and frequent) prayers, Maddie’s become a bit of clotheshorse.

Or should I say, accessory mule.

Clothing’s not really a big interest of hers right now, except in relation to how long it’s going to be before she can take it off. Naked Girl reigns supreme this summer. But the past few weeks have seen an astonishing awakening of the Accessorizing Instinct, and I think there’s no going back.

This week’s poll is up and running – or flying, or something.

I want to know how you travel with your child. Do you stay within short driving distances? Do you go for long car trips? Fly when you have to? Is your child’s passport full already?

As always, the poll will be up all week on my homepage, on the right-hand side below the navigation buttons. And you don’t need to be a registered user to vote; simply click and submit to have your voice heard! 

 Last week’s poll was all about what you consider the ideal spacing between children. Interestingly enough, over half of you said you thought 3 years was ideal. Four years separation was a close second in popularity, with the rest of you saying either two years, or choosing to have an only child, was your preference. No one picked a one-year spacing, probably because the night feedings are still too fresh in our minds . . .

The topic’s been on my mind since several girlfriends around me have had a second child in the past few months. And of the four that I can think of off the top of my head, three of them planned a two-year spacing, while Abby’s boys are almost three years apart. My brother and I are only two years apart and I love having a sibling so close in age, but I’m just beginning to forget what the first few months are like enough for me to consider a second child. Honestly, I don’t know how women with back-to-back pregnancies do it. Heck, I don’t know how any woman with more than one child does it!

As Maddie grows up (sometimes against my explicit instructions) and her protective bubble must perforce grow with her, we see more and more that we’ll be less and less able to shelter her quite so easily. And native New Yorker that she is, we’ve put off one of the quintessential New York experiences – riding the subway.

At first she was a newborn and we didn’t want to expose her to germs. Then it was winter, and we didn’t want to expose her to all the extra germs. Then it was spring and summer and she was mobile and content to hit the local parks. And then – we sort of ran out of excuses.

Of course, one of my excuses was that I didn’t want to have to lug that stroller up and down dozens of flights of stairs in order to navigate the subway, but that makes Mommy look lazy so we’ll leave that one out.

We know she’ll be venturing farther and farther from home as her palm pilot fills up with play dates and toddler classes of some as-yet-undetermined kind, so we decided recently to take the plunge and ride the rails as a family, reasoning it was best to get the first time over with when there was no pressing event to get to.

To that end, last Saturday we hit the subway with Central Park as our destination. 

Yes, I know, been-there-done-that moms everywhere are probably still laughing at me for my naïve expectations that Plan 1 or Plan 2 would actually work.

Or, for that matter, that I still hold out hope of Maddie following any plan at all.

So here I am, back at the old drawing board, but I swear, some of it’s not my fault! For one thing, it turns out my daughter has a cow’s milk allergy. For another- well, I guess that’s the only thing I had no control over.

Where am I now? We’re down to three nursings a day – early morning, naptime, and bedtime. And since it’s not a requirement nutritionally and doesn’t interfere with any part of our day, I almost consider her weaned.

Almost. 

Another first.

And on the one hand, I mourn the passing of an era that won’t come again. Every developmental step her little body takes is one small step out of babyhood, into womanhood. My little munchkin is growing up, and I’m powerless to stop it.

And on the other hand –

SHE HAS A TOOTH!!!!

As Madeleine continues to develop a fascinating personality of her own, a couple aspects are coming to the forefront and I can’t imagine where she gets them from –

The kid is opinionated.

And bossy.

Now I grant you, she doesn’t speak much English. She can say pretty much any word that starts with the letter “B” – ball, bubble, belly button, book – though they all sort of sound the same. And she’s got the “mama”, “dada” “nanana” (banana), “kitty”, and “no no no” down pat. Especially the “no no no” part. Other than that, though, she’ll just lecture on in her own language and expect you to keep up.

And lecture is the operative word here. She’s clearly having a heated conversation – dare I say, argument – with you, and woe be it unto you if you don’t figure out what she wants from you. 

This week’s poll is up and running, and I want to know what you think about additional kids.

What’s the ideal spacing of children for your family? One year? Two years? Three or more? Or are you determined your baby will be an only child? I want to know.

As always, the poll will be up all week on the right-hand side of my home page, just below my navigation buttons. And you don’t need to be a registered user to vote; simply click and submit to have your voice heard! 

The results are in from last week’s poll and we’re all over the map!

I wanted to know when you first began leaving your child with a paid caregiver, be it regular daycare, a babysitter other than Grandma, a nanny, or whatever. The replies were evenly spread out over the entire age spectrum, running from six weeks or earlier all the way up to older than two years!

There are a lot of things that factor in to when you first leave your child with a substitute caregiver, with necessity – usually financial – and your comfort level being the biggest two. While I think the poll answers don’t give us a glimpse into any of the decision-making that went on before baby first got left with “someone else”, I’ll be bold enough to say the poll results tell us one thing:

Kids are pretty hardy, and if our hearts are in the right place as we make these decisions they’ll probably turn out pretty well.

I’m guessing it was just as hard for each of the moms who voted to leave their baby for the first time, whether that was at six weeks or two years. And I’ll also go out on a limb here and say that we’ll remember that first time way longer than our kids will. 

When Madeleine was around 10 months old we began to see small spots on
her face that gradually increased, and at her 1-year visit our
pediatrician confirmed it as an allergic reaction. Since the reaction
was not severe, though, she said we could either try to figure out what
was causing it or simply live with it. As long as Maddie wasn’t
uncomfortable, eating a food she had a reaction to was no big deal.
Most infant food allergies are outgrown by age 2 or so, and consuming
something at her age that she’d have a reaction to would in no way make
her more likely to keep that allergy for life.

And before you
ask, yes, I did the slow food introduction thing. I introduced every
new food to Madeleine one at a time, waiting five days between each food
for signs of an allergic reaction. When I told our pediatrician that,
and that nothing happened, she said sometimes an allergy won’t come on
right away. Made me feel a bit better as a mommy, but I still felt like
a bit of a Slacker Mom for not catching it sooner.

So as I said,
we had two choices. Try to pin down the allergy food, or simply let her
live with it. Being the obsessive-compulsive I am, I had to know what
was causing it. So we went to work.

Madeleine’s been practicing sitting on just about everything she can get her hands – er, hiney – on, including Mommy’s head (see previous blog). It’s amazing to me all the skills we adults take for granted, that kids have to actually learn to do. Standing and sitting are something I really don’t put much thought into, let alone find to be fun and exciting activities.

Not so my daughter.

We’ve got a couple things around the house that are kiddie height for her to sit on, and a few more she simply adapts to her needs. There’s the child-sized rocking chair that was my mother’s, dusted off from storage and handed over to Maddie. She loves sitting in it almost as much as she likes rocking her Elmo doll, saying, “Rock, rock, rock, rock,” while she rhythmically pushes the plush toy. 

Maddie’s eating habits are entering toddlerhood, and all I can say is, weird kid.

First off, she’s got an aversion to meat. It’s the whole texture thing, and she likes deli meat and ground beef but can’t stand cooked chicken or beef. She also won’t eat much egg, which used to be one of her favorite meals. Ditto with the avocado – now she picks at it at best.

Which creates a bit of a problem for me. See, Maddie’s not eating much dairy since we’ve discovered she seems to have a mild allergic reaction to it. So she’s not drinking milk, eating cheese, and so on. She’s pretty amenable to soy milk, but won’t drink more than maybe four ounces a day, and it doesn’t have as much fat and protein as whole milk at any rate.

I’ve been so hesitant to say anything, but it looks as if my daughter’s settling into a good, predictable nap every day.

The hesitancy is two-pronged: one, you hate to rub a consistent nap into another mommy’s face.

And two, Maddie might hear me and decide to punish me for being complacent – say, by taking the naptime away from me. 

I’ve been so hesitant to say anything, but it looks as if my daughter’s settling into a good, predictable nap every day.

The hesitancy is two-pronged: one, you hate to rub a consistent nap into another mommy’s face.

And two, Maddie might hear me and decide to punish me for being complacent – say, by taking the naptime away from me. 

This week's poll has to do with getting out of the house without the munchkin.

I want to know - when was the first time you left your baby in a substitute caregiver's charge? And I'm not talking about leaving your daughter with Grandma, or with your best friend who lives next door.

I'm interested in the first time you left your child with a paid caregiver, be it nanny, daycare, or one-time babysitter. Did you return to work and start using daycare at six weeks? Did you wait until your child was six months old? After his first birthday? Still not willing to leave your baby with a "stranger"? I want to know!

As always, the poll will be up all week on the right-hand side of this home page, below all the category tabs. You don't have to be a registered user to vote; simply click and submit to have your voice heard! 

If there’s one thing worse than being sick the same time your child is, it’s being sick when your child is not. I recently went through 24 hours that once again highlighted how nothing in your life is the same after your child is born. Be forewarned – TMI coming up.

Late one night I began to experience what I’ll call Speedy Intestinal Problems, or SIP. This got me up several times during the night, and somehow Madeleine decided to piggyback on that and get me up in the intervening half-hours. Here’s a fun activity: awake to the sound of your daughter screaming at 2:30 a.m. Check her diaper, which will turn out to be dry but will aggravate her mightily. Nurse her for a bit, then realize you need to run to the bathroom. Put her back in her crib so she can scream while you deal with your SIP. Then nurse her some more, same as before except now she’s truly ticked off by your abandonment. Good times.

After a largely sleepless night, I was exhausted and dehydrated. Maddie, however, was fine.

The SIP continued during the day, making me very leery of eating, well, anything. Which, because I’m hypoglycemic, had an unintended side effect:

SIP= dehydration=not eating=hypoglycemic migraine. 

As we strive to beat the heat this summer, we’ve broken down and gotten ourselves one of those kiddie pools for the back yard.

I’ve always been resistant to them; they kill the grass, they get dirty, they take up space, and you have to empty them after every use or it’s simply an incubator for those West Nile mosquitoes. But I found one that seemed to solve some of those problems and with the heat, the reduced family hours at our local Y, and Maddie’s love of all things aquatic, I broke down and bought it.

Listen up – if you have five feet of available outdoor space, go buy this thing. It’s probably on end-of-season sale now. 

Here's your daily reminder to check out Monday's entry entitled, "Mommy Tips Survey". Post your best mommy tip in the comments section for a chance to win a free gift! It's up all week.

Madeleine’s been getting more and more comfortable with other kids; between playing in the nursery before church, and hanging out at the park every day with other toddlers, she’s starting to understand that there exist other small beings than herself, and they get to play with stuff too.

And since I’ve been making a couple friends at our park, I thought it was time to hit another first: The Play Date. 

In yesterday’s blog I talked about practical issues you need to consider that you may not have thought of, like picking a pediatrician and installing the car seat.

But there are lots of parenting issues a couple may not be aware need discussion, that can really test the marital ties in the midst of sleep deprivation and three days in a row of Chinese takeout. So here’s my biggest piece of advice to expectant parents:

Have lots of fights with your spouse.

You’ve got many decisions to make about what sort of parent you’re going to be. Some of them are already half-made based on your upbringing and seem so obvious you assume your spouse agrees with you until it’s 3 a.m., you bring the baby in bed with you, and your husband freaks out, saying you’ll make your 2-week-old son a mama’s boy. Trust me, it’s better to at least start these fights now, when you can play the old hormone card, than after the baby comes and you’re both so sleep-deprived you can’t remember your husband’s name. Here’s a list of topics to get you started: 

Ok, listen up parents-to-be. Here’s the blog you will want to print out and put up on your refrigerator.

I’m not going to tell you all the stuff to buy for baby, or how to pick an OB, or epidural vs. natural childbirth. There are tons of books already written about that stuff, and frankly, it’s not as important as what we’re going to talk about today. Well, ok, so it is, but this is important too.

I’m going to give you a list to get you started on After Baby Comes. Yep, these fun nine months of pregnancy, preparation, and progesterone-induced puking will come to an end and when they do, you’ll be too sleep-deprived to get cracking on staying ahead of the Parent Curve. So read on, and get going.

This week’s poll we’re doing something different.

Instead of a poll, it’s more of a survey, and instead of a pre-written answer you click on and submit, you write the answer yourself, with a chance for a free gift!

Here’s my question: What’s the best mommy tip you’d like to pass on to other moms?

Do you have a tip for organizing your nursery? A trick for making homemade baby food? A secret for getting out poop stains, or soothing a screaming toddler in the middle of the mall?

I want to hear about it. So write up your tip in the comment section of this entry.

Be sure to include your email address, because here’s the added bonus –

I’ll narrow the tips down to a few favorites, and my girlfriends and stay-at-home-dad guy pal Graham  – my Mommy Focus Group that I turn to for help – will select their favorite tip. The winner will receive a FREE pressed puff from Pure Me (see my previous blog to understand its awesomeness), courtesy of the inventor of Pure Me, a fellow mom.

You don’t need to be a registered user to submit a tip; you can submit as a guest. But registered users will be much easier for me to get back in touch with, so if you submit as a guest be sure to publish your email so I can find you! And you can post as many tips as you want, but please post each one separately.

My girlfriends may publish tips of their own, but don’t worry, they know they’re exempt from winning the prize.

You’ve got until Saturday to submit here, so get to it! The winner will be chosen later next week.

Good luck, and speak up!

Last week’s poll certainly revealed to me that I’m not alone in the “Less Ain’t So Bad” school of grooming these days.

The poll focused on how your grooming habits have changed since becoming a mommy, and almost half of you said you try to look presentable and shower daily, but don’t spend as much time in front of the mirror as you used to. Most of the rest of you admitted to showering a couple times a week and combing when necessary, while one brave mommy (God bless your honesty!) said she’s happy to get out of the house without her breast pads showing, and with the spit-up blending into her fabric.

This topic came to me a couple weeks ago while I was showering one evening. I was hacking away at nearly a week’s growth of leg hair and thinking how different my standards are now than they were a year plus ago; I’m happy to shower twice a week and find time to shave maybe once in those seven days. As I realized how embarrassed I’d be to admit that to a lot of people (ironic, since I’m confessing it in cyberspace), I became defensive in my inner monologue, reasoning that there’s just no time with the baby! 

Maddie and I are in the habit of hitting the park every morning as part of our routine. She’s made a couple friends (so have I!) and is starting to look forward to seeing familiar faces on the playground.

Since it’s been so hot here – six days of around 100 degrees – Maddie only makes a cursory nod at the swings before heading off to the sprinkler rainbow. One of her friends, Naomi, is always amply stocked with water balloons, and the things fascinate my daughter. She loves to squish them in her hands, drop them and watch them roll, chew on them; you name it, she’s done it. And when she drops it or squeezes it too hard and it breaks, she stares at the ground in honest bewilderment, uncertain where the thing mysteriously disappeared.  

It seems my daughter’s been shopping for a personality recently, and I’m not sure but I think she’s been just haphazardly throwing whatever’s on sale in the cart.

Is it just Maddie, or is this a phase everyone goes through? These random things start emerging that make you scratch your head and wonder: is she watching German t.v. behind your back and not understanding the subtitles? Are you walking in your sleep and doing really weird things she’s trying to emulate?

For there seems to be no rhyme or reason to these idiosyncrasies popping up every few days. Here’s just a smattering of the Greatest Hits she’s collecting:

This week is World
Breastfeeding Week  and the subject seems to be everywhere. The
morning shows, the evening news, nighttime newsmagazines, all seem to be
talking about breastfeeding.

Granted, there are a few hot items
to cover right now. Babytalk, a magazine for parents, ran a
picture on the cover of a mother nursing and had 25% of its readers,
mostly parents, complain and call the cover offensive. CNN ran an article 
about it, if you’re interested, or you can simply hit pretty much any
parenting blog – try Dot
Moms or Daddytypes 
to read a couple takes on it – and get a good summary. One magazine
subscriber was so offended she ran the cover through a shredder, lest
her 12-year-old son see it and be inflamed with lust.

This, of
course, is coming hard on the heels of the national ad campaign that
likened not nursing to riding a mechanical bull while pregnant, so
harmful is formula for your baby. And it’s in the midst, too, of some
pretty high-profile protests by self-styled “Lactivists” staging
nurse-ins to promote breast-feeding in public. There's a great article
profiling the whole "nursing in public" thing; click here to
read more.

And as the battle of the boob heats up, I can’t help
but feel sorry for the people caught in the cross-fire: the new mommies.
On the one hand you’ve got moms telling you it’s going to cause your
child irreparable harm if you don’t nurse, and that you should be proud
of nursing and willing to flaunt it in public; on the other, you’ve got
people with the legitimate complaint that the recent baby boom in major
metropolitan areas like New York has resulted in the takeover of, well,
everywhere by new families; it’s not enough now to have a kid-friendly
space – it has to be kid-centered. (Click here 
to read a good article on that tangent). Stroller Manifestos banning
babies from bars at 2 a.m. are being posted in local clubs (well, duh, I
say) while defiant mommies are sitting down in the middle of Victoria’s
Secret to protest the removal a couple months ago of a nursing mother
from a store.